Bright Spots

 

"Oh-oh, all the lights are shining so brightly everywhere (so brightly, baby)

And the sound of children's laughter fills the air (oh, oh, yeah)

And everyone is singing (oh, yeah)"

- All I Want For Christmas, (Mariah Carey)

Bright spots look so different to everyone.

To me, a bright spot is the reflection of the sun on the telephone wires that I can see from my balcony in late summer; a kaleidoscope of colour that shows just for a fleeting moment as the sun is starting to set. The glimmer on the lake as the morning sun sparkles or the sound of my paddle slicing through the water at dawn. Bright spots are the snuggles from my neices and nephew, where every ounce of love is felt through their innocence and admiration. A bright spot is drinking Veuve champagne in a blow-up swimming pool. Ripping the tags off an expensive pair of jeans. Bright spots are Kip Moore and the Duke from Bridgerton. (You are seriously missing out if you do not know these references.) The discovery of a new smokey Niagara cab, a dining experience that's near perfection and the smell of fresh ground coffee in the morning. Bright spots are the feeling after a long run, the warmth of friends and family and bright spots are what I feel when I close my eyes and dream of what is next.

Bright spots give hope. And the more I count them, the more they appear. Like fireflies dancing under a streetlight on an August night, or the sensation of the plane landing on the runway of new terrain.

2022 has been like slowly falling in love with life all over again.

In fact, I have been listening to Christmas music, which I'm fairly certain I haven't enjoyed since my sister Emma and I used to sing Rockin Around The Christmas Tree when I was about ten. But all of a sudden, I'm listening to the Queen of Christmas herself (I mean... really? The Queen of Christmas? Who gets to crown herself that?!) and belting out lyrics at rather inopportune moments in time. I've even googled Bieber. How this happened I'm not even sure, but as I sit here on a Friday night smiling and writing for the first time in months, Mistletoe is playing beside me.

So, here we are. Lover of Christmas, Lover of Life. Lover of School (what?) and Lover of Netflix. (Again, not sure how this happened.)

Speaking of Netflix, I have watched so many romantic comedies that I should be working for Hallmark. If you need any recommendations, (assuming I can even remember them), I would be happy to share. Let me ruin this for you. They all follow the same plot. Boy and girl either a) accidentally meet each other, b) have known each other their whole life or c) hate each other. Regardless of what hot mess of emotions occurs between the first five minutes and the last five, they all end the same way. I now scroll through the movies and think "nope, seen it." "nope, looks so cliche" or "nope, I've seen this same plot with better actors". I'm fairly certain I've worn out this genre. And Nicholas Sparks. I mean, I can't even. Who wants to cry that much?!

Superheros. Check. All of Marvel, Star Wars and DC. Complete.

Romantic Comedy. Romantic Drama. Bridgerton. (Twice. I've watched this twice.) Emily in Paris (yes, bring on Season 3).

I think I've watched enough streaming the past twelve months that I've made up for the past ten years of my life. But it is during this mindless exercise that I brew up new ideas and figure out what I want to do next. I think they call these very important periods of rest in your life "critical for success". So something good should be coming in 2023. I can feel it.

Speaking of New Year's and New Year's Resolutions, this is my favourite time of year. It is the time to look back and reflect on what was, what is and where I want to go. And there are two moments in 2022 that were my favourite.

In April, I took my first trip alone in years. I'm not going to lie. I wasn't exactly at my best when I left. I had overcommitted myself last Winter with school, it was a pretty heavy period emotionally, and I was fried. But I saw myself slowly come back to life though during the week. I took a photo every day at dinner and I saw the lines fade on my face and start to soften. (No, I did not post any selfies.) The last night I was there, I went to a fancy restaurant at the resort. I was dressed up in high heels and a sundress, my hair blonde and skin all kissed from the sun. I knew all the staff and said hello to everyone as I walked in and took my seat "saved specially for me" by the window.

There was a family of ten sitting a table over from me. I had no phone, no distractions. I was looking around the restaurant, smiling. The waiter was 10/10 that was serving me and remembered my order from a few nights before. (I couldn't decide what I wanted so he offered to split multiple dishes for me so I could try them all. A+ move on his part.) I was relaxed and looking out at this Buddha statue in the garden.

(Of course I was. I swear this is all true).

A girl about sixteen stood up from the table beside me. She said, "Excuse me, but are you alone?" I remember being so surprised and I smiled at her. "Yes, I am." I said to her. She turned to her Mother and she said,"I want to be just like her when I grow up."

It wasn't the compliment or comment itself that struck me. It was that we are always in a position of impact. We could be anywhere in the world at any given moment in time, and someone is paying attention to something that we don't think twice about. It reminded me of a plaque I have hanging on my wall. It says "Remember who you wanted to be". My heart melted from this girl. Not that she wanted to be alone when she was older, but that I had created an impact to her that travelling alone was completely okay.

The second moment was one that someone else gave to me.

It has been more difficult than I'd like to admit to re-find my independence and confidence the past few years. I would go as far as saying I've been on a scavenger hunt for quite some time to try and find out what dark corner I had hidden these fabulous qualities of mine. So much change has happened professionally and personally that I just didn't think I had it in me to find my place again.

We had a BBQ at the building I live in in September and I couldn't bring myself to go. I didn't want to be that person again who had to find a group of people to become part of. So I stayed home. I didn't go because I just couldn't face starting over one more time. I didn't want to feel like I needed to fit in and I didn't want anyone to have to look after me. I was just done.

The following month, I went home to the UK for the first time in almost ten years. I was telling my Aunt this same story and her words rung in my mind for days.

"Sarah, maybe you don't need to find your place. Maybe you need to make it."

Ugh. Well put.

So, here we go. I'm running a New Year's Eve party for the building. I have absolutely no idea how many people will show. I don't even know if I will ever do it again. But I know how to come up with creative ideas that make an event different from anything else you can find. I love drumming up something unique that will create a memory. And if I can find one person who lives in my building who didn't feel comfortable signing up because they weren't sure they could find their place - perhaps I could be that person for them. That person to help them feel safe and part of a community they belong in.

If I'm lucky, if I'm really lucky - I'm hoping I can bring people together and create something special they remember for years to come.

Maybe my Auntie Y is spot on. Maybe I don't need to find my place, maybe I do need to make it. And who knows - perhaps it will be the brightest spot of 2022.

The gold star even, like the top of the Queen of Christmas's Christmas tree.

"And everyone is singing, (oh yeah), I hear those sleigh bells ringing (oh) ......"

After all, when it comes to New Year's Eve - there's truly no place like home.

❤