One of the hottest buzz words to be found in management and leadership right now is self-care. It doesn’t matter if you read Forbes magazine, Men’s Health, LinkedIN, People or Time – someone is talking about the latest and greatest way to activate our relaxation response and de-stress. From fancy float spas, yoga, healing salt caves and alternative medicine to finding a quiet sanctuary or adult coloring books and crayons, there is an answer for everyone.
And you know what?
We should be talking about it because the statistics are staggering.
Antidepressant use has jumped 65% in the past 15 years and Canadians are sitting at #3 on the highest user chart at nearly 10% of our population. The global revenue for antidepressants is expected to be 17 billion dollars in 2020.
There are 300 million people affected by depression worldwide and suicide is the 2nd leading cause of death between the ages of 15-24.
Nearly 20% of the entire US has been diagnosed with anxiety disorders and depression is officially the leading cause of all disability claims worldwide.
We have a global epidemic with wellness on our hands and obesity isn’t far behind mental health. Our grocery stores are lined with sugar filled items and we are living in a society where excess has become the norm. Obesity has affected nearly 30% of our global population and shows no signs of slowing down.
The wellness industry is blowing up.
What started with companies putting a treadmill in their office space for the staff as a wellness initiative is no longer sufficient. A 5k run will not help the employee who is drowning in debt. We need to expand our approach to wellness and recognize that there are many facets that affect our overall health – exercise is not the only answer to being well. Occupational stress, financial stress, relational challenges all play into effect.
So what exactly is Self-Care?
Self-care can be defined as the choice to assume responsibility for our health.
The most important word in that sentence is choice– we make choices everyday that affect our health and impact us emotionally, physically and energetically.
In 2007, the choices I made led me to a very unhealthy time in my life. I was operationally managing a company and completely out of balance. I thought coffee and cigarettes were essential food groups and I was steadily dropping to a size zero. I had nicknamed my weight loss as the divorce diet because I was in the process of a fairly messy split and heartbroken to be losing two stepchildren. I used anxiety and mental illness as an excuse for my poor performance at work and I was lost under a haze of antidepressants. I was barely surviving through the days and just when I thought things couldn’t get much worse, I was hit by two drag racers on the 407 on the way home from work.
In the corner of my eye, I saw the glint of silver as the Jetta came firing up beside me and clipped the back left hand corner of my car just enough for me to lose control. As the car started to spin, the other racer clipped the top right just enough for the car to spiral. I did a 360 into the ditch and lay upside down in the car in shock. On instinct, I climbed out the drivers side window and ran away from the car to check on the other driver. I didn’t have a scratch on my body but it is without question that I gained a nice concussion from my merry-go-round finish into the ditch.
Looking back on that now, there was so many clear signs that I needed to stop and rewrite the script of how I wanted my life to look.
If I could go back in time with what I know now, I would start by completely challenging my belief system.
As leaders, the first thing we need to recognize is that we have a choice on what we believe.
I want to share with you some of my old belief patterns.
You need to be the first in the office and the last out.
The harder you work, the more successful you will be.
You need to do the job before you get the name tag.
Leaders eat last, even if that means you skip lunch
I’m too busy to take a break.
Only the poor performers call in sick.
Leave your personal problems outside the front door
Multi tasking is essential to my success
Now what would happen if I threw away those beliefs and rewrote a new set?
I now believe multi tasking is the devil and that I can accomplish far more doing one thing at a time.
I believe creativity does not occur without the space to think – and that breaks and vacations are critical to our success.
What would happen if we put our own oxygen mask on first and fueled ourselves first? Would we be more effective to lead others?
I think we need to take a holistic approach to leadership and support wellness in its entirety - not just physically.
I've learned that no one is going to feel sorry for you if you’re sick – it is your responsibility to be healthy to yourself and others. If you are run into the ground and complaining you are ill, it is time to gain control.
Most importantly, I understand now that the harder you work, the less time you have for anything else in life. The magic to seek is balance.
Now I believe anxiety can be cured. I realize I may not win a popularity contest with that statement and I'm not suggesting that medication doesn't serve a time and place in certain instances or that there aren't exceptions to every rule. But I believe we are a society highly overprescribed and in my particular case, I was fortunate and found my way out.
My anxiety is generally caused when I am over stressed, when I've taken on too much, when I agree to something I didn’t want to agree to, when I make a poor choice and deep down, know better, when I allow fear to take hold and a whole variety of other reasons.
But I chose to challenge my belief on being broken and choose now to believe something different.
What if we all have times in our lives where we go through periods of anxiety or periods of depression – I mean let’s look at my situation in 2007 for a moment.
Who wouldn’t have anxiety and depression that was going through a divorce, heavily medicated, fueling on caffeine and nicotine and who totaled their car? There was nothing broken with me – I didn’t have a mental illness – I made some really terrible choices and I was stuck trying to get out of it all and it was really hard. Sometimes the beauty of those times is only afterwards reflecting back – when the light starts to shine through again. But I don't “have” anxiety or depression. I just believe I went through a time that was very difficult - that’s all.
Stress has a fascinating impact on the body and many of us operate a majority of our time in warning stages of inflammation.
Our nervous system is always talking to us, flaring up trouble if we aren't in balance. Think of inflammation as a gas burner with a pilot light. It stays nice and low in the background unnoticed as long as we are looking after ourselves but as soon as stress becomes chronic and invades the body, the fire is in full rage. Our body is in fight or flight mode and desperately trying to defend the war.
The one key way to mute the fire is to activate the relaxation response which cools the inflammation down and allows healing to take place.
It’s important as leaders to start to recognize these signs in ourselves and others and ensure we have proper self care strategies and downtime to activate our relaxation response and keep in balance.
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The second choice we have is what fuel we give our body - and that comes in the form of food, exercise, sleep and water. This area is very well documented and the most common referral when we are speaking to self-care - which is why I will spend the least amount of time on it today.
It is becoming more prevalent the effect sugar has on our overall health, the increase in chemicals and additives to our foods and the importance of moving our body and giving it rest.
I try not to buy anything with more than 3 ingredients listed on the box or bottle and I avoid the aisles of a grocery store whenever possible. All the whole foods are placed on the outside perimeter of the store and generally speaking, that's the best place to shop.
I try to commit to an hour a day of movement and make time to rest and unplug. The benefits are tremendous when our body is in balance.
The last choice I want to focus on today is the choice we have on how we spend each day – we each begin each day with a full barometer of energy.
So, where do you spend it?
Do you start your day with social media and email? It is said that the first 90 minutes of the day is the most productive time for our brains. How much of that full barometer of your energy in those first 90 minutes is dedicated to information overload and energy drains?
There is something we can do at the beginning of each day with that clean energy.
We can set intentions.
What is one thing you would need to happen today for you to deem it successful?
I have a list of monthly intentions and weekly intentions - and every morning I write daily intentions. What is it that I want to accomplish today and how does that relate to my weekly and monthly vision? Not a laundry list of things to do but one or two things that help me move forward towards my goals.
We can also say no. We can choose to say no to any request for our time that does not meet those goals. This is not the easiest task but successful individuals have definitely figured out the art of saying no.
If we aren't spending our days doing what we love, if we aren’t fueling our bodies with what it needs and if our belief system doesn't allow for the best possible picture of our life – then no wonder we are over-medicated, over-weight and under-fulfilled in our lives.
When we think of self-care, we generally attribute it to physical (and most recently mental) health. What I wanted to instill today was the idea of expanding that realm to include a variety of others - how our attitude and belief plays into our own health, how our energy is involved. As the wheel of wellness continues to evolve, I expect we will see training in finances, occupational relations, family and marriage wellness, our environments and even in our spiritual awareness.
This morning I woke up and drank my Bulletproof coffee, walked to the beach and spent 60 minutes in silence to prepare for this speech to you today. I am not taking any medication, I am smoke free and I know when any strange feeling of anxiety washes over me, it’s a warning sign to listen closer. Maybe I’m making the wrong decision or need to think something through a little more thoroughly. Maybe I’m afraid and need to ask myself what it is that I’m so scared of. But it is definitely a sign.
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I have a vision board in my office that is covered in intentions, dreams, pictures and quotes. In the bottom right hand corner, there is a picture of a hand with a spiral in the middle and it says “INSPIRED”.
It is from a personal leadership workshop I attended a year ago and to begin the weekend, we each pulled a card and had to tell the group what it meant to us. I said I wanted to inspire others. I kept the card and put it on my bulletin board to remind me every day to stay focused on my dream.
In the top right hand corner there is a little hot pink sticky note.
It says Live Well Lead Well and Be Well.
It’s the mission I want to inspire.
In a society that only operates on overdrive, I want to be the voice of reason that challenges our beliefs and reminds you that every day you have a choice.
As our future leaders, you all have a choice.
A choice on what you believe, a choice on how to fuel your body and a choice in how you spend your day.
I hope you make them wisely.
Thank you so much for allowing me to share these ideas with you.
Thank you for listening and allowing me to do what I love more than anything else in the world – to stay on my path and inspire.
