Breathing Room

I spent the majority of this weekend wearing various colors of a paint can, while I took on the challenge of converting our basement to my office.

There is something so unbelievably rewarding about the labor of love (as I sit here scraping the paint from under my nails between sentences).  It's been years since I painted and as soon as I wore the first splash, I felt like I was in a war to create this space to be my own.

If I'm honest, I would say that this last six months I've been holding my breath.

(Okay, maybe 9 months by now.... )  

This really isn't the way any of us living here drew this up.

All of us unemployed and co-existing in the same walls all day long.

Mattingly is supposed to be gone somewhere playing baseball.    Mal is supposed to be at the park 24 hours a day.  And I am supposed to be the only person in the office that we 'thought would be fun if we both had our desks in the same room.'

I never thought we would be actually in it at the same time.

Every day.

Two feet apart.

I can hear Mattingly's phone buzzing above me and Mal's typing sounds like a herd of elephants are being attacked in between frequent calls for technical assistance.

Unlike him, I require complete and utter solitude to work.

I kept thinking that "this too shall pass", "nothing is permanent" and all those other niceties I would tell someone else who was in my shoes, and I woke up every day believing that at some point, something magical would change.

I would get a job.

They would get jobs.

PLEASE, someone get a job.

(Please note that Mattingly now has one.)

I wasn't writing.

I didn't have any space that was quiet long enough for me to get in a zone to write.

I thought about going to Starbucks or to the library  - but those ideas weren't long term solutions.

Don't get me wrong.   I am truly grateful for the time we had together but I wanted everyone else to get their situations sorted out, so that once that happened, then I could find my own way.

***

I was walking along the beach, like I do many mornings, when I realized I needed to stop waiting for the situation to change and figure out how to adapt to it.

I needed to create my own breathing room, not wait for it to be given to me.

A personal sanctuary, my wellness cave, a place I can go and write, breath, think, read and be where I can't be distracted by anyone else.

My very own breathing room.

***

Here it is.

My very first post from my new space.

Let me take a deep breath and look around.

The wall color I picked is called Silver Linings.

(I actually call it Meditation Blue.)  

It is calming and zen-like down here and the sun is coming in from the east.

(I'm just kidding.   I don't even know where East is.)  

See??   I'm giddy being down here.

Maybe there isn't enough oxygen supply?

But it is sunny.

All my books are beside me.

My vision board is ahead of me.

Right dead center on the board is a sticky note.

It says "An hour a day.   One room at a time".

It's a reminder of the progress we can make by just committing one hour a day to absolutely anything.

This is my happy place.

Sometimes we wait for things to happen, or get frustrated because the plan isn't unfolding like our intention - without understanding that this itself, is a lesson in flexibility.

"In our lives, change is unavoidable.   Loss is unavoidable.  It's the adaptability and ease by which we adjust and experience change, that lies our true happiness and freedom."