Xanadu

"A place, where nobody dared to go.

Open your eyes and see.

What we have made is real, we are in Xanadu."

- Xanadu, Olivia Newton-John (1980)

***

I went to visit a friend yesterday and when I got home, she sent me a text that said, "When you have time, send me a short note that explains to me what you believe happy is."

(First of all, I'm completely incapable of a "short note".)

But as I thought about this for most of the day, I was surprised at where that question led my thoughts.  

Happy.

I started off thinking happy is an emotion I feel when all is well.   Like some sort of state of achievement or something.

Then I evolved to thinking about who I'm happy around.  My family and friends.   Colleagues.

Perhaps I'm happy in deep conversation.  

Music.  Music lifts my spirits and brings happiness.  

Traveling makes me happy.   Exploring something new.  

Being on the water.   

The feeling at the end of a long run and good work out.  

When my neighbor's granddaughter knocks on my door and wants me to come out and play (like I'm 6.)

I thought of the happiness that nature brings.   

Sunrise in all its glory and beauty.  A tropical rainstorm.  The coziness of Fall, the hope of Spring, and the healing nature of Winter.

Then I started thinking about the temporary nature of happiness.   

That it's a fleeting space between lessons in life, a landing pad we sit on for a little while until the page is turned to the next chapter.  It isn't a place to stay and camp out, but a break to pause before something new presents itself to work through.

Once I had sorted through all the external thoughts I had on happiness, I thought about her question again; What is happy to me?

Happy is going to bed at 10pm.  Music blasting in my ears while I run along the boardwalk.   A glass of wine on a Friday night when the air temp is still above 25.   Happy is an exquisite meal or great conversation.  The energetic hum of a huge stadium filled with people and captured by the sound of an incredible artist.  It is a blank page and an idea.  A swim at Ravinia when there isn't a soul around.  It is watching the sunrise with a pen in hand or the sanctuary of the yoga studio.  It is a feeling I get when my words have had impact.

Happy is a state I reach with my mind being clear, feeling light and inspiring others.

As I started going through this list, something occurred to me.

If all these things make me happy, why do I get so concerned if anyone else will approve?   

***

Every year we are up north at Tanya's cottage, I blow up my paddleboard and Margherita says, "There goes Sarah in her natural habitat."   

In my mind, the words I hear are, "I probably look totally selfish being out on the water when I should be with everyone else."

But if it was the other way around and I was sitting on the dock looking outwards, I would smile at her and think, "It is so good to see her happy."

So, the real answer to that text question, what happy means to me, is to live in alignment.

To be in complete alignment with who I am, what I need, and how I choose to live.  

Perhaps the timing of this question is something I've needed to reflect on.

If, at this stage in my life, I know exactly what I need to be happy - then why wouldn't anyone want to support that?   

It is the best damn version of me you are ever going to get.

Listening to my heart, watching the kaleidoscope of colors at sunrise every morning and being so unbelievably true to myself, that I am in the best possible condition to be present with everyone else.

Xanadu.

Happy.

❤️

p.s.   Fun fact:  From the age of about 9-13, the only songs I wanted to listen to were from Olivia Newton-John.  

p.p.s. I can recite all the words to the movie Grease, I wanted my hair cut to be just like hers (some years this was a better choice than others), and I used to "tape" and replay live radio, over and over, to hand write all the words to each song.

p.p.p.s.   I seriously thought the lyrics of "nothing left to talk about unless it's horizonal" in Let's Get Physical meant doing exercises with leg warmers on.