The Perfect Match

I didn't plan on falling in love.
That's the way it usually goes, right?
I mean, I was interested, but not head over heels in love.
I thought it sounded good.
I thought it had potential.
In fact,  I would even go as far as saying that I liked the idea I'd dreamt up of what it could be.
But I didn't know.

So I decided to go undercover.

I know, I know - cool, right?

Not the sunglasses and big hat undercover in a disguise undercover but just a you-don't-know-me-so-I'm-checking-things-out undercover.

***

I've applied for a new job.

Actually, I've applied for a few new jobs to be honest but this one in particular has caught my attention in a way that I feel it's pretty much destined for me.

I find this whole process rather similar to finding the right partner.

I mean, we spend 40 hours a week (at minimum, these days) at our jobs.   There are 168 hours in a week which means we spend (again, at minimum) 25% of our time at work.   This doesn't include the fact that we need to get there and back and the painful, hideous traffic some of us expose ourselves to.    It is a massive time commitment and let's face it, we need to love it if we are going to commit this amount of our precious time in life there.

The first fascinating part of this process is that the older we get, the easier it is to determine what isn't a good match.   It's been a fair few years since I've been looking for a job and I'm rather amazed at how I can skim through postings and think - nope, no, no, no... uh maybe, let's click on this one and on we go down the list.

I suppose this could be somewhat comparable to Tinder for job searching.   Not that I have ever once entered the Tinder site, but I could imagine it would be like this.   Scrolling through faces, looking for the perfect match like they are going to magically pop out and be the one.

In typical dating fashion, there has also been a couple of let downs along the way.

A couple of super bad, terrible, awful, extremely frustrating interviews that I had totally set my hopes on from the Tinder like ad on the internet and was utterly disappointed upon leaving.

Now I'm not going to bury the companies involved because at the end of the day, they weren't the right fit for me and that is a concept in itself that takes a while to grasp when you are interviewing for a new position. It's very easy to feel defeated or start to doubt your own abilities but part of the personal growth is to be able to truly see the disappointment as the wrong choice and not get caught up in what you wanted it to be and how they let you down.

I've also learned a lot about the other side of the recruitment process and the varying skill levels of Human Resources in an interview.

Ironically, some of the poor misfit interviews I've had have helped me understand where I add value to a company.   Isn't that bizarre?

There is nothing that drives me crazier than process that has been put into place that makes no sense.  I had one interview for a Senior VP, HR position that the interviewer read questions off a piece of paper including what my desired salary was, presumably to weed out anyone too high or low at the initial stage.

At a senior management level, the first interview is not about salary.  The first interview should be an open dialogue that is a 50/50 discussion between the interviewer selling the company and what ideally they need out of this role and you having the opportunity to listen and determine if this is something you want to pursue and share your experience.    It should ideally be a "fit" conversation.  It's fascinating to me what a one sided process exists for interviewing when in fact it is very much a two sided conversation required and many companies fail to realize that.

Can you imagine getting together with a new partner and only one person talking out of two?   One person is talking at the other person and it is clear that the communication is not a two way street.   And then months later, they don't really understand what happened  but they weren't who I thought they were going to be.  What a shocker, yet this is how many companies recruit.

So, I'm learning that finding the right company to give my efforts to isn't about applying to 25 positions on the internet, getting a phone call for an interview and jumping at the first offer that lands in my inbox.

Who knew that we actually have the right to choose where we spend our time daily and who we want to work for?  How much time do we invest to research a true understanding of the company, the people and the culture and make sure it matches our own personal values?

My first lesson was that an interview isn't a one way process.   And I literally walked out of this interview, got in the car and 100% knew it wasn't right.  For a week afterwards, I tried talking myself into believing that it could change or maybe I was wrong, but deep down I knew it wasn't it.

The second lesson was grasping that the relationship with who I report to is critical and if I didn't connect with that person right away, it likely isn't the right choice either.   I had a fabulous call with an HR professional for a company that was about a 15 minute drive away from me and did consulting in an area I have previous experience in.  The second interview was a phone call with who I would report to and within seconds I knew it wasn't going to work.   No connection.   No personality.   Not a chance I am going to dedicate 40-60 hours of my week to this person.   It was painfully awkward and held some glaring red flags.   I'm not stating that that is good or bad, just simply some warnings I wasn't so comfortable with.   And if I'm going to make a jump to a different industry at this stage in my career, it has to present a unique challenge and feel right.

***

It was time to do a little reset because this wasn't working out so well.
I spent the month of March doing some hard work internally.
I have a daily journal filled with loads of notes.  

What do I love to do?
What is important to me about my next job?
What is a deal breaker that I absolutely will not get involved with?
What flexibility do I need?
What is the salary bracket I want to be in or need to be in verses would like to be in?
Do I want that seat at the table?
Is there anyone I should connect with to let them know I'm looking?
Is my LinkedIN profile current and updated?  
Who are my references and if I get enough recommendations on LinkedIN, will that show a trend of my abilities and some commonalities between them to create an image of who I am professionally?

The interesting part of a job in Human Resources or Operational Management is that you can apply these skills to absolutely any industry whatsoever.

But as I started doing the home work, I made a decision to only apply for positions in an industry that is my passion as a hobby or interest.   I made a list of companies and industries that would fit the bill.   Anything related to watersports, fitness, books, consulting, traveling, etc.   I would only focus on positions that were within those industries that I truly love.

Until this point, I had only applied for a job in Human Resources at some level or another.   This is what I just spent months grinding away for my designation for so why on earth wouldn't I use this to my advantage?   Besides, the last two companies I've worked for both started in an Operational management capacity and both gravitated to HR over time.

So, I'm skimming away on the latest postings and I see it.

Hmmm....

I click and read through the company description.

"As one of the largest charitable community service organizations in Canada, we respond to critical

social needs in the community and work to provide solutions. By nurturing the potential of children, youth and adults, we connect people to life-building opportunities, to each other and enhance their quality of life. We foster social responsibility and healthy living." 

Healthy living and social responsibility.

This might be it.
This could be the one.

I'm not really sure why I'm so sure, but I read the posting again, I apply and I can actually completely see myself getting up in the morning and going to this job.   It's like it's already happening and I haven't had a job interview yet.   I realize that sounds nuts but I haven't seen one posting since this one that remotely interests me and indecisiveness has traditionally not been one of my traits.

Nothing since.

Not one posting has come up since March 14th.

Zero.

I would like to think this is a sign.

So I started doing some legwork.

Lesson #3 is to use your connections.   Generally speaking, men do a much better job of this than women.   We don't want someone else to get us the job so we tend to struggle along and submit resumes into cyberspace and not understand why it's not working.

Through a connection though, I had an opportunity to ask questions about the organization I wouldn't otherwise be able to discover, I toured a location in another city and had one on one time to understand the structure, the mission and depth well beyond what is posted online and invaluable in this process.

Here's some fun facts on open jobs and recruitment.

1. There were 3.6 million job openings at the end of 2012.  About 80% of available jobs are never advertised.

2. The average number of people who apply for any given job: 118. Twenty-percent of those applicants get an interview.

3. Many companies use talent-management software to screen resumes, weeding out up to 50% of applications before anyone ever looks at a resume or cover letter.

4. On average, interviews last 40 minutes. After that, it usually takes 24 hours to two weeks to hear from the company with their decision.

5. What do employees look for before making an offer? About 36% look for multitasking skills; 31% look for initiative; 21% look for creative thinking; and 12% look for something else in the candidate.

6. In the U.S., 42% of professionals are uncomfortable negotiating salary. By not negotiating, an individual stands to lose more than $500,000 by the time they reach 60.

7. More than half (56%) of all employers reported that a candidate rejected their job offer in 2012. ~ (Forbes Magazine, 2013)

So, with 80% of jobs never advertised, it is critical to let everyone you know know when you're looking for a new job.

Connections matter.

The other learned thing I've recently learned is how common it is for people to post positions for the "process" that already have a candidate selected and just need to formalize it.    ie.   There is zero chance for this position regardless of who you are or what your skill set is.

(Another reason I hate process for process sake...how many people do not know this and endlessly apply for positions that are already filled feeling frustrated and unworthy?!).

These are really important facts to know when you're unemployed or searching for a new job.   It can be an extremely humbling and self doubting process to send resume after resume and not get anywhere and there comes a point where you need to stop and look at what you're doing and determine a change in strategy to get to your desired outcome.

I completely submerged into my undercover role and invested four full weeks of research into this position since the company since the initial posting went out and I 100% fell in love.

I downloaded and read the strategic plan and got goosebumps.

There is a subsidy program for Syrian refugees, a 'hangtime' program for teens to keep them off the streets, a community diabetes prevention program, every fitness program you can think of by the hour that caters to all ages and a vision to create a healthier community in which all individuals and families have an opportunity to reach their true potential.

And I wanted to be part of it.

(And I don't have to wear high heels.   Just saying.)

The last lesson I've learned and probably the most important is to trust the process.

I'm in no hurry.

If old age begins at age 85, I still have more than the amount of time I've already lived to go.

Think about that for a second.

Now I realize there are no guarantees and I could get hit by a bus tomorrow.   I get that.   But I'm going to live and dream as if I live well into 100.   And with that belief system, I have loads of time to go and I want to make the right choice here.

Perhaps this is all a delusional dream and isn't going to be the job I get.
Completely possible.
Maybe I'm jinxing myself writing a post about something that hasn't happened yet.
Maybe there is something different around the corner and this isn't it.

Or maybe the efforts I've put into my research will pay off and my gut instinct that this is it is bang on.

And maybe I will start the next step of my working career driven by a purpose for healthy living and giving back to the community, spending time with people of all ages.

How can you not want to wake up every day and go to work when this is your company tagline?

"Because we know our kids can defy the odds and become the healthiest generation."

Fingers crossed.

****

Okay, so that's a big, fat, gigantic lie.

Patience is not my virtue and as much as I'd love to tell you I 'let go' and let this all unravel as it will, I stressed myself out totally about it.

I panicked not seeing many other jobs I wanted to apply into and was terrified that if this didn't work, my current job would end and I would have nowhere to go and no pay check.

I worried that the job wasn't going to pay me enough and I worried that I wouldn't get the job and my instincts were so far off I had no idea what I was talking about.

I worried that I told too many people about it and I jinxed myself in the process.

In general, I just worried because that's what I am really good at.

Worrying is a wonderful strength of mine.

****

I am standing in line at Tim Horton's 75 minutes early for my interview.   (No comments please).   I put my car key in my left jacket pocket of my blazer that I haven't worn since my last interview 5 years ago.  There is a que card in my pocket.   Yes, a que card.   Like a recipe card.  Something I would use for public speaking and writing a speech on in grade 8.  Why on earth I have a que card I have no idea.   I open it.

On the front, it says:

"In 5 years,
Real Estate
Owner, Manager, fitness, nutrition, wellness
Same or higher" (same position I hold now or higher).

On the back, it says:
"Homework
Look 5 years into the future.
When you are being interviewed, what's your story?
What's your success?"

It's been 5 years since I put this jacket on and I'm on my way to an interview for a position that matches one of these two jobs.  (Speaking of which, it might be time for a new jacket).

I have no memory of writing the que card and I can't grasp how I have it on a recipe card in my pocket but it's there.

If you've read any books by Deepak Chopra or believe in trusting the process of the universe to end up where you're 'supposed to be', then you will know that I smiled, put this back in my pocket, and felt pretty sure this coincidence and sign meant I was on the right track.

***

The interview was a disaster.
It was a complete 100% train wreck.
I cannot think of one question I answered well.
I felt the heat on my face and down my back as I struggled one after the other with questions I was completely unprepared for.

As expected, I did not get the job.

Crushing failure and many tears followed.

Best part is it's almost comical that I have an interview the next day for the same job in another location.

In fact, the rejection email came through as I was getting ready to walk out the door for the next interview.

I mean - really?!

I am now completely terrified that this is going to be a repeat performance, my heart is pounding and I'm driving back into the train wreck for a second time.

Sounds about right, doesn't it?

So now I'm officially a total  lunatic.
I'm talking to myself in the car, out loud.

Overcome adversity Sarah.
You're better than this.
It's going to go just fine.

The second amusing part to this is that the job was already filled.

Yes, that's right.
I knew this going in.
The job was already filled.
It was filled internally but my contact wanted me to interview through to see if the job was the right fit for me for an open position down the road.

So I'm driving to an interview, for a job I already know I'm not going to get, right after I'm turned down for the same job.

I am a glutton for punishment.

***

I was completely relaxed, the interview was natural, the questions flowed and I thought it went well enough considering the job was already filled.

Two weeks later, I received a call from the interviewer and I'm going to be honest with you.

I didn't pick up the phone.
I couldn't handle the rejection even though I knew the job was already filled.
I didn't want to hear the words about how I wasn't going to be hired.
I just couldn't do it.
So I let it go to voicemail.

It took another two days for me to listen to it.

She explained that they weren't going to move forward with me for the job but she wanted to talk to me about volunteer opportunities.

I played phone tag with her back and forth for almost three weeks and when I finally had the opportunity to speak with her, it was the turning point in my career search process.

I expected her to ask me to join as a volunteer fitness instructor.

She actually wanted me to sit on a Senior Leadership Advisory Council for the organization.

I was way off base.
I felt like I wasn't qualified for the job but that wasn't it at all.   She explained that in 23 years of working for the company, she had never seen someone hired from the outside - that it was always internal succession planning and promotions.  That she absolutely loved meeting me and wanted to ensure that any council in Ontario I wanted to be part of, that I had her nomination.

I was so blown away by the fear I'd created and how low I'd allowed my self worth to drop that I could've been that far off with my expectations and reality.

I was over the moon.
This was the equivalent of being friends with the one that got away.
I was okay with this.
This was a win.

On my 2017 goals on my Chalkboard (see previous posts), I have "Find a cause to volunteer for."

Who knew that I would actually find it - just not exactly in the way I thought I was going to.

My intuition wasn't nearly as horrible as I'd made it out to be and there was a reason why I felt so strongly about this company.

***

It is now 3 months later and I have a confession.

When I sit quietly and really think about this, I can hear the voice in the back of my head that says "you were worried that it wasn't going to pay enough".   It also says "you were worried that the job wasn't what you thought it was originally".  The job posting appeared to be management of 3 locations, that ended up being one.

This voice, of course, is the voice I kept shutting up when I was going through this process.

I wasn't interested in why it wouldn't work, I wanted to force it to work and be what I wanted it to be.   I kept trying to talk to myself into believing that this was the one even though there were very clear signs it wasn't.

(Clearly similar to my dating life in the past.....)

Deep down, I knew.

But I went full steam ahead, resulting in crushing disappointment and failure anyways.

Now it's August.

Um, well August I temporarily retired after my US work assignment ended a wee bit sooner than expected.

So, now it's September.

I have completely changed my approach to job searching and it is pretty remarkable how things have turned around.

I have a notebook I've used since the very first job I applied for.   I track everything.   The date I applied, what the position was, if I indicated the desired salary range, who I emailed and what their title was, everything.

But as I've gone along this journey, I've started creating "my perfect match".

I have notes about what is super important to me.   Job characteristics, company values, salary and compensation, industry I'm targeting, etc.

Most importantly though, I've changed my belief system.

I have a paragraph written that I re read every week.

It says:

"I believe that whatever is designed for me will not miss me and obsessively job searching all day and night serves no purpose.   As I continue to narrow down exactly what it is I want to do and where I want to be, it will all fall into line."

I 100% believe this.

When I catch myself sitting at my computer for an hour at a time on every job site known to man, I stop and force myself to read this again.

Whatever is meant for me will not miss me.   
I have to trust this.

And I'm SO close.
I can just feel it.

I've had some really good conversations and every one is better than the last.

I've also created a belief system that if what I've applied for or am pursuing doesn't work out, there is something even better waiting for me.

Last week I had a meeting with a company I was really interested in and actually think is pretty amazing.   I didn't feel the connection I hoped for and instead of wallowing about it, my first thought was - seriously, you got something better for me than this?

HOW COOL IS THAT.

So I refuse to look more than an hour a day.

I walk instead.
I just walk and think about what it is that I actually want to do and look at the pretty waterfront and smile and say hello to all the downtown Burlington business owners.

I clean.

(and this seriously ends the second I get a job.   #1 priority. A cleaning service for the first time in my life.   I cannot wait.  I already feel my appreciation for the nice clean smell when I walk through the door and do not have to do it myself.  A-mazing.)

And I write. (which does not end when I get a job.....)

But I will not look more than an hour a day.

When it falls into place (which it will, real soon), I will choose the location (close to my new job) of where I'm going to volunteer and get on that Senior Advisory Committee.

And I will be grateful for the bumpy path to my Perfect Match.

Namaste

Let's start on our backs, lying down, left hand on our belly and right hand on our heart.   Take a deep breath in... and slowly release.   And one more time.

Maybe take that to a 4 count inhale now.   Breathing in slowly.  1-2-3-4.   And exhale for 1-2-3-4   Heartbeat is slowing down now.  Body is connecting with the breath.   Releasing any stressors from your day.   Breathing in.   And breathing out.   The flow of the breath like the waves of the ocean, rolling in and rolling out, letting go of any tension lingering in the body.   Let's stay here for 5 full breaths.

Arms come over your head now as you stretch out and take one last inhale before rolling over onto your right side, ear lying on your right bicep, knees coming in to chest.   From here, let's put the left hand out to stabilize as we bring the body up to a tabletop position.   (all fours).

Relax your spine, spine is long and curved as your turn your gaze upwards and inhale.   As you exhale now, back rounds like an angry cat as your tailbone lengthens and the belly button is drawn with an invisible string towards your spine.   

Lifting the knees off the floor, weight balances now into the heels as we move into our first downward dog.

***

When I tell people I've developed a complete and profound love for the practice of yoga, I generally hear one of two things.

"Yoga is 'too slow' for me - I need a more intense form of fitness".
Or "I'm not stretchy or flexible enough for yoga".

I know these objections very well because I used to use them every time someone asked me if I would go to a yoga class with them.

So I feel a general sense of responsibility to the practice of yoga to share with you some of the things I did not know and have recently learned, in the hopes of inspiring just one person to try it.

1.   You do not need to be stretchy and flexible.
The first and most important thing is that contrary to popular belief, you do NOT need to be built like Gumby or as flexible as a rubber hose.   In fact, those of us who are not probably need it the most.

2.  Yoga is a practice.
It is highly likely that every person in the class is at a completely different level or does one thing more advanced than someone else, who in turn, does another thing more advanced than the first person.  Or maybe not.  It is a "practice" meaning "start where you are" and continue to advance, or don't.   There are no rules on any of the poses that indicate you "have to" look like the person beside you.   There are beginner, intermediate and advanced options throughout the entire class.

3.  Class does not start with the tree pose in the photo at the bottom of this post.
You don't walk into a yoga studio and bust out a tree pose when the class starts.  It is worth noting that there are a series of "prep poses" designed to open up the body and warm up the muscles to prevent injury and prepare for the challenging nature of some arm balances or headstands.

(Ok I just saw you shake your head and think "nope, no arm balances or headstands here.   I'm not reading any more of this".)  

So in response to that, I would say you could practice yoga for the rest of your life and never once do a headstand.   It is "your practice" and there is nothing mandatory about it.   (But it is super fun if you get there.)

4.  There is a specific purpose to the sequence of poses.
"After a well-sequenced yoga class, the physical body should feel expansive and balanced and the student should have more access and a deeper understanding of the inner frame of their body, energetically and even spiritually." - L. Tilch

I originally thought you could pretty much just pick the stuff you wanted to do without any thought that there could be a purpose to the movements chosen.  Apparently that is not the case.

5.  There is not one type of yoga that fits all or exists.  
This is actually the tricky bit and requires some research to find "your practice".   Vinyasa classes are a continual flow of movements whereby restorative yoga classes are 5-6 poses held for long periods of time designed to provide rest and restoration to muscles and connective tissues.   There is gentle yoga for beginners, hot yoga performed in studios that reach 105 degrees (bikram) and Ashtanga that has 6 very specific and strenuous sequences practiced sequentially as progress is made.  It could be a whole post to review each and every type of yoga out there right now and if you google types of yoga - there are loads of links that do a good job of explaining hatha, iyengar and a few more.  There is also a book called "The Science of Yoga" that does a brilliant job of explaining the history and evolution of the many types of practice.

6.  There is a reason you "breathe into the poses".
As you breathe into each pose, with every exhale you relax slightly and create more space, relieving tension in the area you are focused on.  Bodies tighten as they are physically or emotionally taxed or as we age and we have pockets that hold every worry, doubt, anger or fixation.  Breathing is our life force and breathing "into" these areas help to soften and release areas of tension.

7.  Jillian Michaels yoga is not yoga.
I love Jillian Michaels.   I really, truly, adore her.   At one point, I had every fitness DVD she has ever published and I rotated them daily.   She has (or had) two yoga DVD's.   Yoga Meltdown and Yoga Inferno.   They have yoga poses, they are power yoga workouts and they are totally Jillian.  But a true yoga practice connects your mind and body, and most importantly focuses on the power of your breath.  Poses will be held for "5 breaths" not "15 seconds".

It is all about the breath.
Who knew.
Certainly not me as I obsessively worked through those videos**.

(** Please note that in my dear admiration for Jillian this is not at all a fault to her - I just simply have found a completely different and authentic approach to yoga that sadly makes me unable to do one more of her yoga videos).  

(And oh, please don't tell her.)

8.  The purpose of yoga is to prepare the mind and body for stillness and meditation.
In the Western world,  yoga has become viewed as an "exercise" class and while there is no question there is physical benefits to yoga, it is only half the health benefit.   "Savasna" - which is the "corpse pose" at the end of the class has a purpose and that purpose is to allow the body and mind to be completely still.  

9.  Yoga produces a clarity to the mind and calming effect to the body that absolutely no other type of fitness can match.
Regardless of the heart rate, it is a scientific fact that our cortisol levels (our stress hormone), if out of check, can add extra weight to be carried on the body.  Yoga targets the entire human nervous system and calms down the adrenal glands, reducing our cortisol level and keeping the nervous system well oiled.

10.  Not all yoga practitioners are vegans, buddhists or hippies.
Okay, so I don't know many that don't fall into one of these categories but I'm pretty sure they exist.

11.  The healing power to yoga is indisputable for those who carry any type of illness.
Yoga and meditation are scientifically supported as supplemental healing therapy towards multiple sclerosis, migraines, cancer, carpal tunnel and rheumatoid arthritis, amongst many other conditions.

"Women with MS learned about yoga philosophy and practiced restorative yoga for 90 minutes twice a week.   After 8 weeks, they were better able to walk for short distances and stronger fine motor coordination, less pain and fatigue than participants who did not practice.  Migraine sufferers practiced a sequence of poses, breathing exercises, relaxation and meditation for 3 months which resulted in less migraines and reduced heart rate.   Most people with chronic pain experience depression and anxiety as a side effect and yoga targets the mind body connection to prescribe relief to the brain."  _ Yoga Journal, August 22.


12.  The mat matters.
It is easy to slip and get injured in a class that's heated or physical.   The quality and type of yoga mat makes all the difference in the world and is well worth the investment.  

13.  Yoga completely changes your overall body shape.
Yoga balances out the body.  I had no idea the extent of the damage I had done to my hamstrings and back of my body through running and cross fit/ bootcamp type exercise.   I was challenged by my Chiropractor to do 30 days of yoga and give up running for one month to heal a calf injury and give my body a break.  It is completely remarkable the change to my posture, shoulders and lengthening of my body in one month of practicing.

14.  Blocks, straps and bolsters do not make you weak.
Okay, I didn't even know what any of these items were and they sound like they belong in 50 Shades of Grey.  These are items that assist you in maintaining the best form that will give you the most benefit in the pose.  You are not any "less" than anyone else if you use them.   Period.

15.  108 Sun salutations is more painful than running a half marathon or any form of Cross fit.
"According to yogic tradition, there are 108 pithas, or sacred sites, throughout India. And there are also 108 Upanishads and 108 marma points, or sacred places of the body. And, yes, one can offer a yoga mala of 108 Sun Salutations."

There are classes that consist of 108 Sun Salutations and I cannot tell you what they are like because I haven't done one.   What I will tell you is that I did a class that had 54 of them and I couldn't move my upper body for 3 days.   So if you still think yoga is for softies, or "too slow", then I fully challenge you to do 108 Sun Salutations.   (look it up).   I can absolutely guarantee you you would change your tune.

***

As I put my mat over my shoulder, leave my phone on the kitchen counter and head down the street to Seventh Wave Yoga, I am already preparing my mind to unwind.   I open the door and walk up the stairs to a studio that is bright and airy and consumes me with welcoming energy.  

"There is a theory that waves travel in sets and that every 7th wave is the strongest.  The "rogue" wave.  Sailors often feared its strength, surfers embraced it as it would carry them closer to the shore at the end of their day, and musicians sang about it.  (Sting "Love is the Seventh Wave".)

Fact or fiction, Melinda Donahue, who owns Seventh Wave Yoga, believes that life reflects the waves of the ocean.  Sometimes we are lifted and floating high, sometimes we are knocked down by one or a few take us by surprise and pull us under.   As we struggle to regain our balance, we weaken in our body and spirit.   Her studio is built on the foundation of the strength in the 7th wave.   It is a chance  to rebuild, renew or regain your strength both mentally and physically.

Melinda has taught yoga to trauma victims and first responders, helped those with PTSD, taught yoga to Seniors and taught students with brain injuries and severe physical challenges."  

She is a story teller and has my attention from beginning to end through her classes.   Melinda has forever changed my opinion and false beliefs on yoga and has opened both my eyes and heart.  My recent yoga practice has sent me spiraling into reading countless books, magazines and articles on a more holistic approach to living and an ability to surrender to the waves that roll in.  I am forever grateful to the fortunate injury that led me here. 

(https://www.theseventhwave.ca)

There is a traditional salutation or greeting used at the end of class that is designed to remind us "we are all one".  

Imagine a world where we honored the differences in each other instead of spending time judging them.

One universe.
One world.
One sky.

We are all one.

"The divine in me honors the divine in all of you."
- Namaste 💜

The Want - Willingness Gap

I want a Vitamix blender.
I want to make fancy smoothies that are so frothy you cannot possibly tell there is kale and carrots in them.
I have checked every flyer, googled "cheap Vitamix blenders" and checked if there is anywhere that rewards them from one of the zillion points cards I collect.
Nope.
Just like an iPhone, you cannot get one of these blenders unless you pay.
So every morning as I make my Bulletproof coffee, I look at the coffee station and envision my future Vitamix fitting perfectly next to the other appliances.

I want a convertible Mini cooper, 6 speed manual transmission, in metallic grey.
It has off-white leather interior, heated and A/C seats and a back up camera.
(If you have seen me reverse, you will understand why this is essential.)
You know that last parking space at the Mall around Christmas-time where some Einstein has crossed over the lines and it is now a 3/4 parking space?
Yep, me and my Mini - we're fitting into that.
It is ours.
We are owning that 3/4 spot.

I want to go to the Four Seasons in Tahiti.
I want to explore the rainforests in Costa Rica. (preferably without mosquitoes).
I want to drink a nice glass of Chianti on a patio in Italy.
I want to rent a house boat in Amsterdam and experience living on the water, watching all the cyclists at rush hour clog up every intersection.

So I'm not kidding anyone here.
I want lots of things in this lifetime of mine.

It isn't necessarily the material things I chase, but the quality of what those things represent.

The quality of the smooth liquid that comes from the blender my current one cannot produce.   I'm looking for an improvement to the Oster blender that has clumps of protein powder in the bottom of the canister and shows bits of greens that didn't quite make it to a perfect blended state.

(I don't feel like this is an unreasonable request.)

My current car is fabulous.

I drive a 2007 VW EOS that has been paid off for years.   (okay, well maybe two)

It has a 6 disc CD changer that some may call outdated but if you want to hear the Cranberries or any 90's grunge tunes, I have a CD binder in the trunk that might have what you're looking for.   I need to use ear phones to make a phone call because bluetooth was not in existence when the car was built. And if the roof is down I have enough space for the CD binder, 6 bottles of wine (tested multiple times), groceries for dinner and if I'm lucky, a yoga mat.

But a Mini?

Mmmm.

Fast and the Furious.
Charlize Theron.

Zip zip.

2017.
Bluetooth.
XM.

Yes, we can dream.

Tahiti?
Oh, where to start.

The huts over the water.
The glass bottom floor.
The swim up bar.
The turquoise water.

The sound of the waves.
The view of the sunset.
The clarity of the marine life.

Bliss.
Peace.
Tranquility.


What is fascinating though, is that I just can't seem to part with the funds to get these things in my possession. I could technically have all of these items today but I just cannot, for whatever reason,  seem to pull the trigger.

***

I heard the most brilliant analogy recently that has actually helped clarify this entire desire-want-have process for me.

"Your willingness for all of these items isn't strong enough to have them."

What?

My willingness for all of these items isn't strong enough to have them.

Well if that doesn't just make complete logical sense.

How on earth did I not come up with this on my own??

But when someone else states the obvious, it is equivalent to the cold shower you sometimes need to hear the message.

***

In 2014, the Ice Bucket Challenge went completely viral as the support for Lou Gehrig's disease spread throughout the globe.

Remember the ice bucket challenge for ALS?

In that split second that the water hits, there is a rude awakening that I would equate to when I heard this statement.

"Your want-willingness gap hasn't closed".

Duh.
Exactly.

***

My Want-Willingness Gap hasn't closed yet.

This theory can be applied in many different respects.


COST

If I knew I had another pay cheque coming next week, the tangible list I shared might not seem so far fetched.   But somehow, it feels a wee bit irresponsible to fly to Tahiti without knowing where my next source of income is coming from.

Now I'm not gonna lie.
I'm buying the blender.

(I might even have it before I publish this post.)

But Tahiti - it hasn't quite manifested just yet.

But I'm going.

One day.

Hence, the willingness of cost.

TIME

To master a craft, you must be willing to put in the time.

I have said over and over again that I am going to spend the time on the game of golf, yet when it really comes down to it, I'm just not willing to put the time in because I always find something that trumps that choice.

It's pretty much that simple.

FEAR

What we want and what we are prepared to sacrifice to get there isn't always in line.  

Sometimes we carry this vision around until the time when our willingness gap narrows enough that the jump doesn't seem quite as far.

We struggle to maintain jobs and relationships until their expiry dates become so clear we must act.  
We tiptoe lightly into new territory afraid of what it might hold.
We worry about money, hoping we will always have enough of it.

Fear and doubt can be a huge blockage to change and closing the gap.

That quiet little voice starts to get louder.

What if ....

If doesn't work.
I'm not successful.
It isn't any better.
There isn't any more of it.

What if ...

It is exactly what I think.

What if ...

It does work.
I am successful.
It is better.
There is plenty more of it.

What if it's exactly what I'm afraid of?

What would I do if it all fell into place?

We don't really plan for that, do we?
The success?

***

There is an amount of personal power we take back when we ask ourselves where our willingness is relative to how badly we want anything.

I loved this concept the second I heard it.

And now when I think about Tahiti, I smile and think - I'm not willing to part with what it takes to get there, just yet, but I will continue to allow myself to daydream and feel what it would be like to get there - because one day, I'm going.  

One day, the Want-Willingness Gap will close just enough that this doesn't seem so far fetched and I will get on that plane.

                                         

Purpose

"Can a life be shaped without purpose?   Such a life would be either unconscious or shortsighted.   Of course such lives exist.   There are people who totally dedicate themselves to work for it's own sake, to materialism and getting ahead, to saving for the future or protecting the present.  One can't call these meaningless choices, but they fall short of the human's potential to inspire" - Deepak Chopra

***

I mean, don't even try and tell me that this question has not crossed your mind at least once.

You never have thought - "what is my purpose"?

This question became an afternoon discussion at the Personal Leadership Workshop I recently attended and has left a permanent mark on my outlook to life. 

It is remarkable how many assumptions surround the concept of what we believe “purpose” to mean.

Is it - "Why we are here?"

 Or - 
"What I am supposed to be doing."




Do I only have one?


Is it a career?

Do I have to "do" it?


Am I a failure if I don't achieve "it"?

Does it change?

Does it relate to how I best serve others?

Am I lost if I do not have one?

Does everyone even have one to begin with?

Do I even need to know what "it" is?

The dictionary defines purpose as "the reason for which something is done or created or for which something exists" - Synonyms: motive, motivation, cause, reason, justification, intention, objective, goal, target, aspiration.

This is the common viewpoint.

To look at purpose as a "noun".

A "thing" to which we must "seek".

As a verb it symbolizes "one's intention or objective." - to intend, aim, plan, design, resolve, propose, aspire. 

Although a different point of view, it still assumes that purpose is to be found, that it is a fixed statement or something we are searching for.

You could look at the likes of people like Adele and Whitney Houston with the voice of angels or Josh Donaldson's hitting power, Steve Job's creativity or Betty White's talent and you think - theirs is SO obvious.

Man, I wish I had one. 

I wonder if I do have one.  

I wonder if I'm ever going to find it. 

Those other people are SO lucky.

There are also many people who have never really given this much thought.   Either it is a chore to consider that there is meaning to life and a game of daily survival or “ignorance is bliss” and on we go with our merry way daily without ever thinking there is a purpose to our existence.

So here's something I invite you to consider.

What if purpose is an attitude not a mission?

We may all have gifts and talent but what if purpose is a way of ‘being’, not something to be ‘doing’?

Just think about that for a second.

An emotion, not an action.

An approach, not a job.

Not a place we go to, but an energy we bring to everywhere we go and everything we do.

How does that change every single aspect of your life if you were to apply this theory?

***

The artwork (I use this term loosely) on the photo below, was created in an exercise at our workshop symbolizing, what I believe, to be my purpose.  

(Let the record show that my Sister clearly got all the creative genes.)

The picture is shaped like a clock (in case this is not obvious).   

How do I approach my time towards all the facets of my life? 

If purpose is an attitude, how do I want to behave?

I, personally, want to approach every situation with curiosity.

I want to explore and remove the walls of my own perfectionistic tendencies to learn and grow and expand my life experience.

Purpose is not what I do, but how I do it.

I want to feel.

I want to be present and mindful of where I am and where to channel my energy to.

I want to be fully aware of my surroundings and take it all in.

I want to immerse myself deeply into every situation and face my fears, with an understanding that my happiness lies on the other side of what I am most afraid of.

I want to understand that every day I might wake up differently than the day before and that I continue to grow and change and evolve as a human being.

What worked yesterday might not work tomorrow, and that's okay, because I am continually seeking a greater awareness.

I want to take my experiences, convey that emotion and write and share it with others.  

I want to use my gift of expression to inspire people to expand their own awareness, to remove judgment and extend beyond their own boundaries, to experience life to the highest frequency possible.

My Purpose : Live Life in Colour.

Explore.

Immerse.

Experience.

Share.

***

Imagine a world where everyone brings their A-game every day.

A world with a little more time appreciating where you are and a little less time scrolling through where you aren't.

A world where there is no room for negativity and gossip. 

Where the conversation is about celebrating personal growth and creating a vision of what’s next, with less time dedicated to judging and putting others down.

Imagine a world without mediocrity.  

Where everyone shows up and is fully present, driven for self improvement and aiming to be better than yesterday.

Where the speed of the pace leaves room for creativity and innovation, where meditation becomes part of an organization’s core values, where vacations are mandatory for employee wellbeing and company productivity, and where we develop compassion as a core competency as we begin to understand that the most challenging of personalities have something to teach us.

Imagine a world where we embrace fear and vulnerability, knowing that the richest experiences available to us happen once we break through that barrier.

Imagine that it’s possible our purpose to exist in a human life is to fully embrace every situation using all our senses.

To see every detail and appreciate every vivid colour.   

To feel every emotion in its fullest capacity.   

To grieve, to love, to desire, to appreciate, to laugh, to cry.   

To smell the smoke from the campfire, the fresh cut grass on a summer day and the salty air to the lakefront .

To touch the hand of another being and feel love.   

To hear the birds, the joy of music and the lessons as they are unfolding in our minds. 

What a deeply satisfying thought that is to imagine that’s exactly what our life purpose could be meant to be.