I can hear the birds singing in the trees, the leaves ruffling around from the wind and there is only the sounds of nature surrounding me as the sun is beating down.
Complete and utter serenity.
"Undressed".
That's the name of the book I'm going to write.
BOOM.
Just like that.
Undressed.
Holy cow, I'm going to write a book.
Am I sure I want to do this?
Yes.
Yes, I think so.
Wowza.......
And then a moment later, this flood of thoughts with chapter titles - Let's Talk, Perfect Imperfections, Uncomfortably Numb, Reality Bites, Sunshine + Seratonin. All these words just came tumbling into my mind and I ran inside to get a notepad and a pen until all the rush of ideas landed on paper.
Yep, it's officially happening.
I'm going to write a book.
I'm going to release chapters on my blog site and see what happens.
Or I might start a new blog site that is specific to this book so that I can still use this site for random other posts I might want to share.
Yes, I think that's what I'll do.
As you can see, this is in rather preliminary stages and I haven't quite sorted out all the logistics yet.
Maybe I'll get a following of people that want the next chapter and wait for the next post.
Oooh, wouldn't that be cool?
I could send out little teasers like they do when new songs release. You know - just the hashtags and a sentence or two. Like the titles I listed. Only bits and pieces here and there to keep people interested and waiting for more.
Maybe some fabulous publisher will stumble across it on the internet and love the content and want to edit and publish it. It will become a book on the National Best Seller list and I'll get to travel the world with my ground breaking book based on my own personal experience and be a guest on Ellen.
(Can't blame my delusional fantasies and dreams - goal setting has never been a challenge for me.)
Well, even if not one person reads it, it's therapeutic for me to write and that's reason enough to keep going so this is happening.
So anyways, the book is going to be my unpolished journey from mental chaos to wellness.
(Man, I hate that word "journey")
A road map to life without medication.
(I hate "road map" almost as much)
Releasing the crutch of antidepressants.
(Better - I'm getting there... this will come)
The diagnosis.
The pills.
The side effects.
The recovery**
(**understanding that many people have different opinions, experiences or diagnoses, and that this is isolated to how I was affected.)
This book will explain how I have discovered a way to live life without medication and how I've found balance with practices that aren't so shocking but seem to work.
So I'm flowing with adrenaline now that I have a purpose and I'm really excited about my idea but in order to be able to speak properly and technically about some of these elements, I want to do some more research first.
I don't want it to be just Sarah Lee's story.
It has to have some depth beyond my experience.
I have a few links to review, different websites that I will read, and I've just picked up a book about exercise and it's impact on the brain.
Now about once a year, I read a book that completely challenges my beliefs and everything I think I know about a specific subject. When it comes to exercise and mental disorders, I actually thought I knew plenty. I've been clinically diagnosed with enough labels that I feel quite an expert in the area of what could go wrong with your brain and what could be prescribed for it.
So here I am, sitting quietly the past few days, turning page after page of the National Best Seller called "Spark" - the Revolutionary New Science of Exercise and the Brain, and I'm telling you, this is 'the' book of the year for me.
Most of us are pretty in tune with the knowledge that exercise makes us feel good. We are aware that exercise releases our feel good hormones and you feel better after you work out, than before. Scientifically proven and pretty common information to be educated with.
I've also "heard" through the grapevine (or read some article or another) that you "kill" brain cells with alcohol and that "create" new brain cells with exercise and I generally try to create more than I kill. Pretty good rule of thumb.
What shocked me though, in the research I've been reading today, is that it's physically and scientifically possible for your brain to change.
Proving that the brain can actually change is the difference between going through "a period of" depression verses being diagnosed with "massive depression" as an actual disorder. A disorder that you will believe you carry with you as luggage for life.
There are case studies and all kinds of scientific evidence that your brain can be rewired and changed through exercise.
I am absolutely fascinated by this knowledge.
I have known for the past few years that, give or take, I'm generally pretty balanced these days. The occasional, unexpected situation can knock me off my rocker a little, but for the most part, I think I've finally got my act together.
But I thought I had my mind "under control".
It didn't even occur to me that there is a chance I've "repaired" it.
Imagine for a second that this is true.
There are staggering statistics on the increase in usage of antidepressants compared to 15-20 years ago.
A whopping 86 out of 1,000 people in Canada and 110 people out of 1,000 in the US are taking daily prescribed antidepressants. Of these numbers, the female users are much higher. 18.6% of women over 60. 22.8% of women between the ages of 40-59 and 15.4% of girls at only 12 years of age!
12.9% of these users have been active on antidepressants for over 10 years.
17% between 5-10 years and 32% between 2-5 years**.
(**study is 2005-2008 numbers - I'm sure they are much higher stats now)
Yet, in Italy, the Netherlands and France, the numbers in usage is less than half the numbers from North America and hover around 40-50 out of 1,000.
What are these countries doing that we are failing to do in Canada and the US?
Why is there an epidemic of mental disorders in North America and how can we bring some of these numbers back down?
How does exercise, obesity and the Western diet affect these figures?
Is Europe more cautious in prescribing or is it their overall lifestyle that leads to better wellness?
What if we have become complacent and dependent on numbing agents and have lost the insight to believe there is a way out?
What if our brain truly has an ability to heal itself and find balance and there is life beyond the drugs?
What if there are people out there who just need to be informed how and inspired to try?
And what if my brain today is perfectly, mentally sound?
Well, now wouldn't that be something.
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