Are We Out Of The Woods Yet?

I blindly put one foot in front of the other and continue on my path looking for the way out.  One foot in front of the other until I realize I am back in the exact same spot I started.

(Are we out of the woods yet?)

The woods.

This is the dark place we walk into filled with frustration and sometimes despair trying to find a way back out to the light.

The woods synonymous to our struggles where it's difficult to see the slightest progress because we are fixated in only one outcome on our desired path and unable to see a different approach to get there.

This is the place where our clarity is clouded by the overwhelming enormity of the forest.  We become paralyzed unable to find the way through past this daunting cloud.

The woods vary for everyone.   We all have a unique story and set of individual life lessons that only we can figure out in our own time.   Sometimes it's all so very clear from the outside from those around us but we are still stuck  unable to see how altering our path will change the outcome.

My friend's VISA gets maxed to $500 so the bank raises the limit to $2000 and when the card hits that, they raise it some more because the minimum payments always are met.

I watch the same dysfunctional relationships repeat the same cycle with consistent hope and promise of a different outcome next time yet the variables all remain the same.

I lose my job and need to stop to understand where the failure occurred  long enough to see a purpose and make a change.  It is followed by a dark hole of internet job searching, rising anxiety and panic over making ends meet.

Someone close to me is grief stricken by the loss of someone so close it's unbearable to process. Wandering through each day in a zombie like trance unable to understand and unsure how to lose the guilt of being spared so they can continue on their own personal journey.  Their solitude and grief continues.

(Are we out of the woods yet?)

The woods are our lessons, our struggles and our individual personal growth in our walk of life.

We are bounced around lost in our own woods like a player in the hunger games arena, stuck in the same part of the game until we have conquered the lesson and thrust to the next.

And somehow we believe that once we get through this and find our way out, that's the end of our life challenges.

That there will be nothing else left to conquer.

If she could just clear our credit card balance.
If their relationship would just work.
If I just get a new job.
If they could just bring them back.
If they could just understand how this happened.

We stumble through the arena at our own speed getting a few more bumps and bruises realizing it's all part of our lessons in our journey of life. And then we start to recognize that we are never out of the woods long before there is a new entrance, another lesson waiting to be learned and another element to the games that we do not have control over waiting around the corner.

She cuts up her credit card to chip away at the balance and finds her way back to even.  The minute it's cleaned up she tormented by the loss of a loved one.

They make a decision to repair a broken relationship and find their way back only to discover a different set of problems lurks around the corner.

I find a new job in six months and and am next challenged with a cross country move.

Time begins to heal.  They attend counseling and support and read endless information to help grieve and relearn how to live. They spend the first time in ages in laughter and highs again only to find the following day that one partner is laid off and now have a new challenge of financial hardships begins.

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So I'm stuck in the woods.   And this time I've been in for a while.  I've set a target.   A personal goal for the year.   And it's not going well.   And I'm not gonna lie.   I'm not a fan of being behind schedule.   So I'm stressed.   Must meet goal. Must not fail.   So naturally I'm worried.   I'm pretty worried that I might not make it.   And the worry is likely not helping the situation and furthering the time I spend here in this fabulous set of trees I'm in.  This is my latest lesson.   And it's about looking after my own health and wellbeing.

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I put my running shoes on and head out. 

The song begins.  

Are we out of the woods yet?
Are we out of the woods yet?
Are we in the clear now?
Are we in the clear now?

I put one foot in front of the other.

This has to be the day. Please let this be the day.  I want 4 miles to feel as I do at 2. I try to visualize the outcome. I want instant results and I'm frustrated that my body is not cooperating with me.  That familiar ache burns and starts at a mile and a half like it has for a few months now.   I am fighting the distance and my ability to run. The cramping continues.  I talk to myself. Breathe through it.  Sarah, you got this.  Just push through. One more song.   One more song.

And then it dawns on me.  

I have to stop fighting.  I have to stop worrying.  I need to accept that this might be beyond my control. Maybe I don't get to dictate the speed to which I find the way out of these woods.  Maybe it's time to stop kicking and screaming trying to force something or fix something that might belong to a different timeframe or maybe this even will surface as a completely different lesson.  I need to trust the timing of everything.   Just because I'm struggling to run today doesn't mean I won't ever get there.   Maybe this lesson is about slowing down, not racing to the end.   Maybe this lesson extends past half marathon training and to a deeper message of how I'm living.

This too shall pass and when it does, the finish line will be replaced with something else.

Our learning never stops.  And maybe the speed we find our way depends on how well we listen to the cues and respond.

One foot in front of the other. 
One foot in front of the other.  
Trying to find my way.  

Knowing I am exactly where I should be.

(Are we in the clear yet?  In the clear yet, good.)