Shallow

I was originally intending to write a post called "Digital Detox".  I've been thinking about it for a while now, brewing up the points I wanted to make and trying to arrange them in some form of order in my mind that could deliver a compelling message.  

After I started reading Tim Ferris's book "Tribe of Mentors" yesterday afternoon, I was so completely struck by one particular paragraph, I decided to change the title to "Shallow".

I love titles that carry multiple meanings and after many, very funny, text messages with my girlfriends this week about Bradley Cooper and the new Lady Gaga "A Star is Born" movie, I decided Shallow was perfect.   Whoever would've thought that dreamy Bradley Cooper would sing, play guitar, write and direct a movie, while playing the lead male role and have the number one song on iTunes?  I am now one of many women (and men) who is contributing to the second wave of revenue for this movie (those seeing it for the second time), which I am officially doing tonight.

And so, in tribute to my fabulous friends, Bradley Cooper's piercing blue eyes and Tim Ferris's wise quote, this post is renamed Shallow.

***

Being busy does not equal being productive.  And there is absolutely nothing more seductive than the power of social media and the internet to elude us away from our To-Do lists and into a state of autopilot busyness.  With one thumb print, we scroll through a familiar mindless loop, switching between news websites, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook and Instant Message conversations.  I call it the Social Media Sinkhole because there truly is no end unless you physically choose to shut it down and put the device away.  The impact to our productivity of operating with this information overload, combined with the speed and attention required to endlessly sift through pictures and words, drains our energy away from any other intention.

We each have an energetic threshold daily.  Rest and repair.   Fuel and recharge.   It has been taught to us in so many different ways that we are not limitless and we require an equal balance of give and take with our energy to perform optimally.

Let's pretend that we are made up of exactly ten energetic units.  Some mornings we might wake up missing one unit of energy already.   We didn't sleep well or our spouse or child was ill and kept us up at night.   Perhaps we had a drink or two the night before.   (Greatest line I ever read was "For every glass of alcohol you consume tonight, you will lose one unit of energy for tomorrow.")   The same could be said for diet or exercise as we add or take away energy for today and tomorrow.

It is also scientifically proven that the first ninety minutes of our day is the most productive time for our brains.  I have read study after study that shows this is to be true for 90% of the population.  Whatever it is that is the most important thing we want to accomplish, ideally should be done within the first ninety minutes we wake up.

Yet, what has become a household routine for the average person?  

The first thing most people do when they wake up in the morning is check their phone.   (Followed by the loop of apps they flip between on autopilot.)

In essence, we are giving the power away of our most constructive time of day.  We are using the battery reserve of our energy available to face the entire day, and squandering it to a mindless busyness that only serves to drain our resources.

Remarkable if you think about it.

***

This excerpt from Tim Ferris's Tribe of Mentors nails it.

"The disease of our times is that we live on the surface.  We're like the Platte River, a mile wide and an inch deep.  I always say, If you want to become a billionaire, invent something that will allow people to indulge in their own resistance.  Somebody did invent it.   It's called the Internet.  Social media.  That wonderland where we can flit from one superficial distraction to another, always remaining on the surface, never going deeper than an inch.  

Real work and real satisfaction come from the opposite of what the web provides.  They come from going deep into something - the book you're writing, the album, the movie - and staying there for a long, long time."

- Steven Pressfield,  (Screenwriter, Fiction writer, Narrative nonfiction, self-help and advertising author)

***

I started a book this week with a twelve week program, designed to improve creative writing skills.  It's called "The Artist's Way" by Julia Cameron and has been around for twenty five years.  Each chapter represents the work to be done for the week and digs through self doubt and creative expression, while using writing prompts and questions to uncover a deeper layer of creativity within.

The book focuses on two main components.

The first is called "Morning Pages".  The first thing to do when I wake up is to write for three pages, long hand, thirty minutes roughly, straight.

The second component is an "Artist Date".  Every week for twelve weeks, I am to commit to a two hour block of time to do something, anything, that is dedicated to solitary time alone.

In order to write for thirty minutes first thing in the morning and ensure my homework is done for each chapter, I have been forced to shift from beginning my day with the Social Media Sinkhole to starting unplugged and focused.  My phone is off limits until I have had my coffee, written my pages, walked five miles and set my intentions for the day.  But the result of removing technology during this timeframe has also sharpened my awareness of our diminishing human connectivity.

This morning was my first Artist Date.

I picked the Lakeshore Coffee House at the bottom of Brant Street and Lakeshore Road in Burlington.   I picked it for a few reasons.   I've only ever been there once.   It is situated with a view of Lake Ontario by the window and it is a local, no name spot without a chain associated with it.   A little, eclectic part of Burlington that isn't a tourist trap and has no history to me at all.

When I walked into the Coffee House, I couldn't help but smile.   The walls were gold and burgundy which isn't a trendy set of colors in modern decor.   It is, however, the colors on the outside of the book "The Artist's Way".   The coincidence struck me as comical as I walked up to the counter.

I ordered a latte and an egg sandwich on white bread (I will start my latest rant arguing against whole grains in another post) and went to sit down.

I walked upstairs and sat in a brown leather bucket chair by the fireplace.   I had no phone, no music, no pen and paper.   Just a credit card in a plastic bag in case it rained.  I just sat and took it all in.

There was a plaque up on the wall behind the coffee bar that said "Espresso Yourself".   I thought of that song "Express yourself" and the scene from the movie of Mr. and Mrs. Smith.  

There was a couple of realtors working away upstairs behind me.   I heard the odd word of "land" and "gains" here and there.

My latte arrived from a friendly, twenty something guy making small talk.   It had a perfect heart in the middle of the foam and a piece of dark chocolate on the side plate under the mug.   (If you ever need to purchase me a gift, dark chocolate with the sea salt on it is a perfect win... hint, hint).  My egg sandwich on lovely white bread arrived, made to order, hot and fresh, just the way I like it.

As I drank my latte, I was focused on a group of five by the window.  An older group than I, maybe mid late 60's, early 70's, they had formed their chairs in a circle.  Each one of them took turns, no one speaking over the other or interrupting, as they drank their coffees with light, easy conversation.  The women had their hair done, make up on and sporting their Sunday best.  The men in khakis and loafers.   And they just continued their gentle ping pong match of words, back and forth, in balanced harmony.

I thought to the challenges of our generation and beyond as we fight to maintain our depth in human connection.   The toll on our bodies from binge watching full seasons of television on Netflix, the inflammation in our hands from typing and scrolling, the sinkhole of social media and the despair of searching endlessly for something that is never found.  The energetic cancer that begins the second the alarm goes off and the phone is picked up and engaged.

My heart swelled as I watched the circle of men and women at the window.   Smiling, drinking their morning coffee and exchanging stories.

How ironic is it that the true magic of connectivity lies in our ability to disconnect.

Optical Illusions

I love Summer.

I mean, I really, really love Summer....

I love the sun shining pretty on the lake, the sand beneath my toes, the little snack shack by the Burlington waterfront that serves ice cream and french fries, and the long, endless days of light.

Summer is one of the few reasons why I chose my latest adventure.

***

I woke up one day late in July and decided to go for a walk.

It was a clear blue sky, sunny kind of morning and my shoulder was giving me some signs I needed a day off exercise and a nice long walk in the sunshine.

I walked a 5 mile loop from my house.

The first 45 minutes I had my earphones in, listening to my latest top-40 list full crank, as I strolled down the side streets to get to the water.

I passed a skinny lady with an ironman shirt, a lady full of make up speed walking, a man with a dog almost as big as he was and a lady with a little dog in a stroller.  (Who takes their dog for a walk in a stroller??)

I didn't take much notice of them - just kept walking ahead on my mission for my 5 miles.

When I got to the beach, I paused my playlist and decided I would walk the rest without music.  I would ask myself one question and just listen to what surfaced for the rest of the time I walked.

The question was 'what is it that I want my life to look like in 5 years?'

As I walked down the beach, there was all kinds of chatter.   A family was getting photos taken, kids were playing in the water and building sand castles, couples sat in beach chairs reading books.   There was an air of play and rest as I tuned in to everything around me.

The water was lapping quietly, the seagulls squawking away, the Canada Geese sitting pretty on their declared real estate.  There was even a few tent campers hidden up amongst the trees and I remember wondering how long they would stay and if they would get told to leave by the city.

I walked across the waterfront to the pier, past the splash pad and the swing set.   Bikers and skate boarders breezed past me and I soaked it all in.  As I walked the last mile back up Brant Street, I thought how lucky we were to have all these boutique-y little shops near us.  The belgian chocolate place that I really need to make sure I try, Joelle's dress shop (where I'm going to buy something as soon as I make some decent money again), 7th Wave Yoga studio (my second home) and Tamp coffee that I stopped at for an Americano to drink on the last stretch home.

***

The next morning I woke up and I thought - that was pretty cool.   I think I'm going to do that again.

So I walked the 5 mile loop and I smiled at the regulars I recognized from the day before.

On the third morning, I decided I was going to do this for 30 days.

I absolutely loved being in the fresh air and starting my day this way, and who knows how much longer I will be able to spend 90 minutes a day walking before my professional commitments require a shift to my fitness regime.  It's approaching August and I wanted to enjoy the last month of the Summer and take it all in.

That third morning, as I walked along the beach, I noticed there was one tent that had been there all three days.

I'd been reading in the Hamilton newspaper about campers who were occupying the beaches due to high rent and I felt quite sad.

I wondered whether I should watch for who it was and bring them a coffee or some breakfast one day.

***

By the second week, I had established a routine.

I smiled at the iron lady, the dog stroller lady, the make up speed walker.   I knew them enough to say good morning and carry on.

When I got to the beach, I saw the same tent up on the hill, back by the trees and looked up to wave.

There was definitely a guy living there.

He had long blond hair and a deep tan, like someone would who was living on the beach.

One morning he didn't have his tent.   He was lying on the beach under a blanket with just a cooler nearby.

I made it a point every day to look up and smile and wave at him when I went by.

I wondered how he ended up there - living amongst the trees.

Did he have a job?   
When did he lose his home?  
Did he have any friends and why hadn't they offered to help him?   
Or had they and his luck had run out and he had overstayed his welcome?

One morning, I was walking along the trail and he biked past me.   All of his belongings were on his back and a guitar and I wondered if he was going to a liquor store or something to play for money to strangers.

***

Only two mornings out of 30, it rained.
And I was so driven to complete my 30 days that I decided I was going anyways.

Rain or shine.   

5 miles.
30 days.

So I left my phone at home and went on my way.

There is something about fighting the elements that is so exhilarating.

I was smiling, walking through the rain, sky completely black, as I took my familiar route to the beach.

Iron lady was out but no one else that is on my usual path.

When I got to the beach front, he was sitting under a sheltered area playing guitar.   His tent and belongings were beside him and my heart was aching that he had no where to live and here he was, just playing and singing away under the canopy.

He stopped playing and said to me, "Rain or shine, eh?"

I smiled and said, "Yes, absolutely.   Rain or shine.   It's just water."

And to that, he smiled back.   He said, "Yes.  Yes it is."

As I walked the beach in the rain through an absolute downpour, I was wondering if I should have stayed under that canopy and listened as he played a song.

I love live music more than anything and what better tale than sitting and listening to someone play music who might need a friend.

***

By the third week, I stopped taking my phone at all.

I wanted the full 90 minutes of silence to tune in to everything that was taking place.

It was becoming a ritual.

I would wake up and have my coffee and within 20 minutes, be out the door for my walk.

I loved seeing the sun rise, looking at the lake - so peaceful one day and white caps and dancing the next.

And every day, I waved at my homeless friend up amongst the trees.

***

Last week, I noticed there was a tiki torch, that was new, by the area of where he lived.

I wondered if someone had bought it for him or if he purchased it himself?

It was the first time, that for a split second, I thought - what if he's choosing to live out here?

***

The last ten days have plodded along, as I continued to ask myself questions and walk in silence for 90 minutes every morning.

What is the best use of my skills and what direction should I turn next?

Am I open to all new opportunities and possibilities or am I rigid in my mindset on how I want things to unfold?

What are 5 things I'm grateful for in the past 24 hours?

As time went on, answers were beginning to surface daily and I found my thirty days far more profound than I ever anticipated or expected.

So much so, that today was day 33.

***

This morning, I stopped the lady with the dog and the stroller and said hello.

Her dog's name is Daisy and she is 14 years old.   She has to take the stroller because Daisy can only walk one length of the waterfront trail now that she is so old.   She doesn't want to stop taking her for her walk so she had to improvise.  What remarkable love for her pet that she bought a buggy to ensure Daisy doesn't miss out.

I stopped the make up lady that speed walks and she told me that my smile every morning encourages her to keep going and finish her walk.

I saw the man with the dog at the park, who smiled at me and for the first time in 30 days, said good morning and asked how I was.

But the best was the homeless guy on the beach.

When I went to the beach front today, I walked the full length as always and I didn't see him up amongst the trees.  I started to wonder what was going to happen to him as the seasons started to change and it was getting colder.

As I was exiting the beach past the rest rooms and water stations, I stopped for some water.  As I looked up, there he was taking a shower at the outdoor showers.   (Yes, he was clothed... )

He turned off the taps and looked over at me and put his hand out.

He said, "I'm Jason, by the way".

I smiled and said, "I'm Sarah."

He said, "It's nice to finally meet you after all this time."

I told him that I didn't know how he did it, how he spent every night out here but I bet he had an incredible view at sunrise.

He said "and sunsets."

Yes, and sunsets.

I asked him what he was going to do when the weather started to turn.

He said, "I'll go indoors.   But hopefully that won't be for another month."

I said, "you are here by choice?"

He told me he's a freight broker and has been for 19 years.   He had a condo downtown Hamilton and his company has a few lawsuits on the go so he decided to take a break - to live minimally and enjoy the Summer by the beach.

I walked the rest of the way home beaming with his story, but my heart was filled with awe.

***

How quickly do we pass judgement on people or situations with limited knowledge?

We form opinions with gaps in information, without challenging our traditional belief system or the awareness of alternate possibilities.

Not everything is as it appears at first glance.  Our perceptions are just optical illusions, and not always a true reflection of what lies beneath.

"Every single person on this planet has a story.   Don't judge them before you truly know them.    The truth may actually surprise you." 

This morning was the best.

Live Well, Lead Well and Be Well

One of the hottest buzz words to be found in management and leadership right now is self-care.   It doesn’t matter if you read Forbes magazine, Men’s Health, LinkedIN, People or Time – someone is talking about the latest and greatest way to activate our relaxation response and de-stress.   From fancy float spas, yoga, healing salt caves and alternative medicine to finding a quiet sanctuary or adult coloring books and crayons, there is an answer for everyone. 

And you know what?   

We should be talking about it because the statistics are staggering.  

Antidepressant use has jumped 65% in the past 15 years and Canadians are sitting at #3 on the highest user chart at nearly 10% of our population.  The global revenue for antidepressants is expected to be 17 billion dollars in 2020.

There are 300 million people affected by depression worldwide and suicide is the 2^nd leading cause of death between the ages of 15-24.  

Nearly 20% of the entire US has been diagnosed with anxiety disorders and depression is officially the leading cause of all disability claims worldwide.    

We have a global epidemic with wellness on our hands and obesity isn’t far behind mental health.  Our grocery stores are lined with sugar filled items and we are living in a society where excess has become the norm.  Obesity has affected nearly 30% of our global population and shows no signs of slowing down.

The wellness industry is blowing up.  

What started with companies putting a treadmill in their office space for the staff as a wellness initiative is no longer sufficient.   A 5k run will not help the employee who is drowning in debt.   We need to expand our approach to wellness and recognize that there are many facets that affect our overall health – exercise is not the only answer to being well.   Occupational stress, financial stress, relational challenges all play into effect. 

So what exactly is Self-Care?

Self-care can be defined as the choice to assume responsibility for our health. 

The most important word in that sentence is choice– we make choices everyday that affect our health and impact us emotionally, physically and energetically.

***

In 2007, the choices I made led me to a very unhealthy time in my life.  I was operationally managing a company and completely out of balance.   I thought coffee and cigarettes were essential food groups and I was steadily dropping to a size zero.   I had nicknamed my weight loss as the divorce diet because I was in the process of a fairly messy split and heartbroken to be losing two stepchildren.  I used anxiety and mental illness as an excuse for my poor performance at work and I was lost under a haze of antidepressants.   I was barely surviving through the days and just when I thought things couldn’t get much worse, I was hit by two drag racers on the 407 on the way home from work.   

In the corner of my eye, I saw the glint of silver as the Jetta came firing up beside me and clipped the back left hand corner of my car just enough for me to lose control.   As the car started to spin, the other racer clipped the top right just enough for the car to spiral.   I did a 360 into the ditch and lay upside down in the car in shock.   On instinct, I climbed out the drivers side window and ran away from the car to check on the other driver.   I didn’t have a scratch on my body but it is without question that I gained a nice concussion from my merry-go-round finish into the ditch.

Looking back on that now, there was so many clear signs that I needed to stop and rewrite the script of how I wanted my life to look.   

If I could go back in time with what I know now, I would start by completely challenging my belief system.

As leaders, the first thing we need to recognize is that we have a choice on what we believe.

*** 

I want to share with you some of my old belief patterns.

You need to be the first in the office and the last out.

The harder you work, the more successful you will be.

You need to do the job before you get the name tag.

Leaders eat last, even if that means you skip lunch

I’m too busy to take a break.

Only the poor performers call in sick.

Leave your personal problems outside the front door

Multi tasking is essential to my success

Now what would happen if I threw away those beliefs and rewrote a new set?

I now believe multi tasking is the devil and that I can accomplish far more doing one thing at a time.

I believe creativity does not occur without the space to think – and that breaks and vacations are critical to our success.

What would happen if we put our own oxygen mask on first and fueled ourselves first? Would we be more effective to lead others?

I think we need to take a holistic approach to leadership and support wellness in its entirety - not just physically.

I've learned that no one is going to feel sorry for you if you’re sick – it is your responsibility  to be healthy to yourself and others.  If you are run into the ground and complaining you are ill, it is time to gain control.

Most importantly, I understand now that the harder you work, the less time you have for anything else in life.   The magic to seek is balance.

*** 

There is something else I used to believe.   I used to believe that my anxiety, OCD and perfectionism was a disorder I was unable to cure and that I required medication permanently.   I truly believed I was broken. 

Now I believe anxiety can be cured.  I realize I may not win a popularity contest with that statement and I'm not suggesting that medication doesn't serve a time and place in certain instances or that there aren't exceptions to every rule.   But I believe we are a society highly overprescribed and in my particular case, I was fortunate and found my way out.

My anxiety is generally caused when I am over stressed, when I've taken on too much, when I agree to something I didn’t want to agree to, when I make a poor choice and deep down, know better, when I allow fear to take  hold and a whole variety of other reasons. 

But I chose to challenge my belief on being broken and choose now to believe something different. 

What if we all have times in our lives where we go through periods of anxiety or periods of depression – I mean let’s look at my situation in 2007 for a moment.   

Who wouldn’t have anxiety and depression that was going through a divorce, heavily medicated, fueling on caffeine and nicotine and who totaled their car?   There was nothing broken with me – I didn’t have a mental illness – I made some really terrible choices and I was stuck trying to get out of it all and it was really hard. Sometimes the beauty of those times is only afterwards reflecting back – when the light starts to shine through again.  But I don't “have” anxiety or depression.  I just believe I went through a time that was very difficult - that’s all. 

*** 

Stress has a fascinating impact on the body and many of us operate a majority of our time in warning stages of inflammation.  

Our nervous system is always talking to us, flaring up trouble if we aren't in balance.  Think of inflammation as a gas burner with a pilot light.   It stays nice and low in the background unnoticed as long as we are looking after ourselves but as soon as stress becomes chronic and invades the body, the fire is in full rage.  Our body is in fight or flight mode and desperately trying to defend the war.

The one key way to mute the fire is to activate the relaxation response which cools the inflammation down and allows healing to take place.

It’s important as leaders to start to recognize these signs in ourselves and others and ensure we have proper self care strategies and downtime to activate our relaxation response and keep in balance.

***

The second choice we have is what fuel we give our body - and that comes in the form of food, exercise, sleep and water.  This area is very well documented and the most common referral when we are speaking to self-care - which is why I will spend the least amount of time on it today.

It is becoming more prevalent the effect sugar has on our overall health, the increase in chemicals and additives to our foods and the importance of moving our body and giving it rest.  

I try not to buy anything with more than 3 ingredients listed on the box or bottle and I avoid the aisles of a grocery store whenever possible.   All the whole foods are placed on the outside perimeter of the store and generally speaking, that's the best place to shop.  

I try to commit to an hour a day of movement and make time to rest and unplug.  The benefits are tremendous when our body is in balance.

 ***

The last choice I want to focus on today is the choice we have on how we spend each day – we each begin each day with a full barometer of energy.  

So, where do you spend it?

Do you start your day with social media and email?   It is said that the first 90 minutes of the day is the most productive time for our brains.   How much of that full barometer of your energy in those first 90 minutes is dedicated to information overload and energy drains?   

There is something we can do at the beginning of each day with that clean energy.

We can set intentions.   

What is one thing you would need to happen today for you to deem it successful?   

I have a list of monthly intentions and weekly intentions - and every morning I write daily intentions.   What is it that I want to accomplish today and how does that relate to my weekly and monthly vision?  Not a laundry list of things to do but one or two things that help me move forward towards my goals.

We can also say no.    We can choose to say no to any request for our time that does not meet those goals.  This is not the easiest task but successful individuals have definitely figured out the art of saying no.

If we aren't spending our days doing what we love, if we aren’t fueling our bodies with what it needs and if our belief system doesn't allow for the best possible picture of our life – then no wonder we are over-medicated, over-weight and under-fulfilled in our lives.

When we think of self-care, we generally attribute it to physical (and most recently mental) health.   What I wanted to instill today was the idea of expanding that realm to include a variety of others - how our attitude and belief plays into our own health, how our energy is involved.  As the wheel of wellness continues to evolve, I expect we will see training in finances, occupational relations, family and marriage wellness, our environments and even in our spiritual awareness.

*** 

This morning I woke up and drank my Bulletproof coffee, walked to the beach and spent 60 minutes in silence to prepare for this speech to you today.  I am not taking any medication, I am smoke free and I know when any strange feeling of anxiety washes over me, it’s a warning sign to listen closer.   Maybe I’m making the wrong decision or need to think something through a little more thoroughly.  Maybe I’m afraid and need to ask myself what it is that I’m so scared of.  But it is definitely a sign.

***

I have a vision board in my office that is covered in intentions, dreams, pictures and quotes.  In the bottom right hand corner, there is a picture of a hand with a spiral in the middle and it says “INSPIRED”. 

It is from a personal leadership workshop I attended a year ago and to begin the weekend, we each pulled a card and had to tell the group what it meant to us.  I said I wanted to inspire others.  I kept the card and put it on my bulletin board to remind me every day to stay focused on my dream.

In the top right hand corner there is a little hot pink sticky note.   

It says Live Well Lead Well and Be Well. 

It’s the mission I want to inspire. 

In a society that only operates on overdrive, I want to be the voice of reason that challenges our beliefs and reminds you that every day you have a choice.   

As our future leaders, you all have a choice.   

A choice on what you believe, a choice on how to fuel your body and a choice in how you spend your day.

I hope you make them wisely.

*** 

Thank you so much for allowing me to share these ideas with you.  

Thank you for listening and allowing me to do what I love more than anything else in the world – to stay on my path and inspire.