"What if I told you a place existed
Where the magic in the air tastes like moonlight on the lips
And no hand in the deck could beat a pair of hearts?"
- Eric Church, Through my Ray-Bans (2020)
***
It is Spring Break, and unlike my 20's racing down to Daytona Beach with a large non-branded Yeti-Stanley type cup full of Red Bull and vodka, I am taking a time out to reflect on what I've learned.
(Who am I, and please tell me there is still a beach in my future this year....)
Actually, what I should be reflecting on is the fact that I am still alive after some of my Spring Break soirees, like shooting jager down an ice slide in some adult-type playground I am happy to have forgotten the name of.
(Somehow I don't think that is the same type of magical place Eric Church refers to in his Ray-bans song.)
***
I have the coolest class I'm taking this Winter.
(Did I just say "class" and "cool" in the same sentence?)
I did.
I am taking a course called Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy, which thankfully has an acronym because it's a mouthful to spit out.
"MBCT."
The course is set up that we take MBCT as a participant for 8 weeks, then teach a portion to the class to our classmates, followed by a final research paper related to Mindfulness or Cognitive Therapy.
LOVE.
So I feel like I don't really have school this Winter because my homework is various forms of meditation, fitness, and journaling.
MBCT suggests, (just like neuroplasticity does), that we have the power to change. No matter what is currently happening at this very second of our lives, what we did yesterday, what we did this morning - there is power to change the future. It is all FASCINATING.
The course develops an understanding to what mindfulness is, moves into recognition of patterns of thinking, and then creates a community where you can see your own thoughts are being 'normalized' and common.
The biggest hope that MBCT has given me is the thought that it is completely possible to change thinking from a depressed or anxious state to one that is healthy and emotionally balanced by changing our "relationship" to situations and thoughts.
***
Now, I know every time I write I have a new idea on how I'm going to change the world, but my latest one is this:
The school system needs to be teaching MBCT to every teenager on the planet.
Period.
I honestly believe one of our biggest opportunities we have with mental health is to teach our youth how to regulate their own emotions so they are equipped for all types of weather, (which is unlikely to be always Sunny and 75, for the record.)
(off soapbox)
So, for anyone else from Generation X and beyond, who was not privvy to classes in emotional regulation, here are a few of the ideas I have felt have really challenged my own thinking.
***
1. MBCT refers to a "depressed state" and removes the identity of "having depression".
MBCT removes labels and judgement. In essence, it removes the "identity" associated with depression, anxiety, or any mood disorder.
Mindfulness "notices" emotional states; depressive states, anxious states, or positive or neutral emotional states. It helps to identify patterns and triggers in a way that, when recognized in the future, can produce a different outcome, supporting a feeling of impermanence and fluidity.
This is a really important concept because removing the identity allows decentering, which allows the perspective to shift from believing that there is "something wrong with me", to an understanding that I have entered "a low state of being".
2. Mood gives birth to the thoughts, not the other way around.
This was huge to me.
(Okay, all these things have been huge to me, but this one really huge.)
I have always assumed that our thoughts are in control. So if I travel down that spiraling rabbit hole of thoughts, I will "become" in a depressed state. Therefore, I need to "control my thoughts", and if I can't "control my thoughts", then something is wrong with ME.
MBCT suggests something different.
The premise is that the mood gives birth to the thoughts, not the other way around.
If I am already feeling low, the depressive line of thinking may prevail, and the thoughts may 'run away.'
If I am feeling better, the thoughts will generally be more positive.
To me, this was big.
So how do I change my mood to change my thoughts?
What lights me up?
To me, that means more music, more dancing, more conversations, more writing, more running, more stuff I love. Someone elses' list may look much different than mine, but the idea is that when the thoughts start running wild, something has to be done to change the mood.
Which is interesting in itself because, as anyone who has ever experienced a state of depression knows, generally I do not want to do any of these things when I'm not feeling good.
Motivation does not come naturally when we aren't feeling our best.
3. MBCT states that with depression, motivation works the opposite.
If I am feeling depressed, I want to do nothing.
I don't want to see anyone. I don't want to do anything. I don't want to do the things that are going to make me better. I don't see sunlight, I see darkness. What I want to do is stay under the covers as long as physically possible until "I feel better" again and can function. I don't want to burden anyone else with my distorted thinking and I want desperately to "think my way out of it". Therefore, I will generally hide and withdraw for as long as I can.
Change the mood to change the thoughts.
This means I have to do completely the opposite of what I want to do to try to lift my mood.
I need to do something.
ANYTHING.
To try and shift the mood.
Because sitting at home under a blanket for as long as possible spiraling my thinking is going to continue to incubate a heavier state than I'm already in.
(*** note that in this section, there are states that may be prescribed medication as a support to assist mood stabilization. The idea behind MBCT is to prevent relapses into depression and rewire anxious thoughts, but anyone in a progressive low state should see a medical professional.)
(I probably should have led with that.)
4. The relationship to sadness is the thing that needs to change.
Mindfulness teaches us to notice and pay attention to all the details. I can "see" my thoughts and recognize if they are positive or negative or neutral and respond accordingly.
It does not remove emotion or feeling or low states.
Low states are messages. They tell us what we like and what we don't like and what we want more of and what we miss and what we need. There is a purpose to grief and sadness and anger and all the low vibrational emotions that helps us become more self-aware.
We don't want to "get rid of" sadness. We want to learn and grow from it.
It's the relationship to sadness that needs to change.
I always felt I needed to solve my emotional state or fix it, but perhaps that isn't the case at all. Maybe there are times when we just need to be with it, regardless of what it is.
I think I read once that resistance is the key to all suffering. Maybe that means that acceptance is the path to peace.
5. Every experience is a new experience.
I often think of past experiences that because x happened, x will happen in this same situation next time.
The best reference I can give at this stage of my life would be relationships or even marriage.
(For the record, this paragraph has nearly been edited out multiple times. But I am keeping it, because I don't think I'm alone in the "second relationship" world of thoughts, and maybe it might be what someone else needs to read.)
I remember when Mike and I got married. I was his second wife and I thought my experience would be the same as his first. I would say things like "you've been through this already." And he would say, "yes, but Sarah. I haven't been through it with you."
(Whoever would have thought I would be quoting Mike Nickelson.)
The point is, our minds are like little data vaults and we stack up all these ideas and history to support how we behave, act and think today. Perhaps we forget sometimes that whatever happened yesterday does not mean it will repeat today.
That every experience is a new experience.
I love that line and I think it's such an amazing frame of reference to live by.
6. The trap of "automatic pilot".
We can drive for miles and not see the road, wash all the dishes lost in space, scroll through social media without "seeing" any posts, or go for a walk without seeing any of nature.
Our routines can be so hardwired that we miss the tiniest of details where all the beauty lies.
MBCT practices teach awareness.
Self awareness, awareness of others and awareness of surroundings.
What would happen if I tried to look at every snowflake, instead of seeing snow? If I felt the warmth of the water when washing dishes, the smell of the dish soap, the tingling on my hands from being submersed?
How does our experience change when we pay attention to everything in our life in that way?
***
There is a poem that was handed out this week in class.
It is in reference to cognitive therapy, but I also thought it resonated really well with addictive behaviours. We think of addictions as drinking or drugs, but it could be a range of things that we use as coping mechanisms to avoid pain; gambling, shopping, sex, overwork even.
Where in our lives are we doing or using something to avoid feeling something else?
This was the most powerful thing I've seen so far.
(I've said that about 3 times already now, haven't I?)
So.
The poem.
I love this.
It's called "Autobiography in 5 Chapters" by Portia Nelson.
(But I personally think it should be called Sinkhole.)
(Or Mic Drop.)
(I bet I could write a list of others.)
Autobiography in 5 Chapters
1. I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost… I am hopeless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
2. I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I can’t believe I’m in the same place.
But it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
3. I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in… it’s a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
4. I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
5. I walk down another street.
***
I think I have read that poem 20 times and it still provokes new thought - in fact, digesting all of this material does.
I can't say for certain that MBCT will "cure" those struggling, but I can say that I have had my beliefs and thoughts challenged in brilliant ways since I began this course.
I see the potential of a different lens to look through, a possibility that there may be hope, and an alternative solution that is backed by growing evidence of statistics.
(That I inevitably have to research in the next 6 weeks.)
So I sit here, on this quiet Sunday morning, watching a few little snowflakes dance around outside my window, occasionally drifting off into space to dream up my next line to write.
The snowflakes look like fireflies, moving in unique directions, but never hitting the ground. I can smell the coffee beside me, hear the sound of my fingers hitting the keys and, in the distance, the fan kicking in to keep me warm.
It is serene and peaceful.
What a beautiful reminder that when we allow ourselves the gift to come off auto-pilot, it can be like seeing the world for the very first time. ♥
