I used to think coffee and cigarettes were two of the major food groups.
I thought if you were the first person in the office and the last one to leave, you were irreplaceable. I thought bonuses were granted for efforts for long days and the highest salaries belonged to the leaders who worked the hardest. I also believed the company was at fault for burn out but an out-of-office alert for your vacation meant you weren't committed enough to your job.
This mindset led to many episodes of feeling unappreciated, resentful and exhausted at various times during the earlier stages of my career. No title, pay raise or bonus is enough if you are not fulfilled and balanced with the work you do. Inevitably, this results in disengagement, illness or poor exits.
Without creating boundaries and choosing to control my own fate, I was left fire fighting daily as I believed that the quicker I responded to a message, the more efficient and effective I was as a leader.
I cycled from overwork to burn-out to despair - and, quite proficiently so, more than once.
An 18 month unplanned sabbatical in 2017 led me down a path of self reflection, where I challenged and shifted every professional belief I had, returning to the work force in 2019 realigned and reenergized.
I sought self forgiveness for my trials and errors, an understanding to those I felt at one time or another had wronged me, and a connection to a power deep within, to redesign how I wanted to live and lead.
Eventually, I was able to ask myself the question, "Did you show up today the way you intended?" and actually answer it with Yes.
***
If I was to provide advice to my younger self now, there are some key insights I would focus on.
Know your value.
I traditionally undersold my capabilities because I didn't understand what value I provided.
It took a long hiatus to really study my competency set and understand, not only what I did well and where I added value, but also what I loved to do.
I learned that professional fulfillment lies somewhere in that balance.
Leaders eat first.
I would challenge Simon Sinek's Leaders Eat Last. (maybe don't tell him that though).
It is our responsibility to be accountable to look after ourselves first in order to best serve others.
Many successful leaders I know have a disciplined morning routine before their work day begins.
20 years into my career, I traded coffee and cigarettes for meditation and exercise and joined that group of early risers.
Martyrs are not heroes.
There is only a mirror to look into and choices to make if you cycle from burn-out to despair to disengagement.
Leaders should eat first.
Be relentless about solutions, not time.
Those who advance are those who can ask themselves where the pain points are for the team - and come up with solutions on how to do things better/faster/smarter and more efficient.
Leading is not about showing up at the office at 7am or how many years you have been loyal to the business.
Your decisions have a ripple effect.
Every decision we make as leaders has a ripple effect.
The hardest lesson I've ever learned was underestimating the effect that the power of a decision I made could have.
A few years ago, I had made a decision to terminate an employee. That same employee refused to take a taxi home after the meeting and chose not to go home that night because they were embarrassed. They wandered the streets and decided to go for dinner and in a freak accident, choked during the meal and was unable to be resuscitated. I have never recovered professionally and personally from this day and nor will his family and friends. The impact of that decision had a ripple effect that impacted far beyond the business.
I would do anything to go back in time and change how that story ended.
Know when it's time to move on.
I was away when that termination took place. I was living in a different country and I should have resigned when I moved back to Canada but I tried real hard to hang on and make it work. What if I had been in Chicago that day? Would I have taken him out for coffee and talked to him about job possibilities and counselled him on where he could apply his skills to? Could I have positioned that differently so the end result changed? Could I have handled any part of that day differently to get him home safely where he was in the hands of someone else?
These are questions I will endlessly ask myself.
His name was Todd and I am forever changed as a leader by the experience of his time in my life.
Leadership is not a job you go to, it's a state you live in.
I have crossed paths with many who believe they "deserve" a "management role" for their experience and knowledge in a field or the education they've received.
Leadership is not a title or a job, it's a state of mind you live in.
I lead everyday.
I lead by the choices I make on what images to post, what blogs to write, what energy I give to the students I teach. I lead by living with a continuous improvement mindset of asking every single day - How can I do this better/faster/smarter/ more efficient with less room for error?
When I teach leadership principles, I am lit up, completely engaged and in a flow state where I am only conscious of time as a framework to start and end.
To lead is to be absolutely in love with inspiring others towards an end result or goal and being relentlessly driven to improve.
It is not a job, it's a state of being.
***
Every country and city I've lived in, company I've worked for, leaders I've reported to and people I surround myself with daily have all influenced the leader I have evolved into. The mentors I've enjoyed working with the most have recognized my core competencies and embraced risk - presenting new opportunities for me to expand out of my comfort zone and lead different departments or full operations.
I have great insights to team dynamics and love a good strategic discussion on moving the players around on the chess board. What I need to develop is my skills in having difficult conversations - and learn that holding those from a place of striving towards excellence is only for the betterment of the business and the recipient.
What I do know now that I didn't know 10 years ago is this.
An MBA provides a knowledge base, a structure and a framework to drive results from. Those elements are all teachable in a classroom or virtual environment.
Successful leadership requires courage.
It takes courage to lead, courage to embrace change and courage to speak.
As a female leader in the second leg of my career, I am rediscovering the strength of my voice and my passion to mentor and lead others forward.
Authentic leadership comes from within and is built on connection and purpose.
There is no script or master rulebook to follow and no right answers.
If you operate from a place of intention that makes every decision based on balancing the needs of the business, shareholders and employees, success is guaranteed to find it's way.
***
I have a vision board posted beside my desk with a hot pink sticky note in the middle.
It reads "Live Well, Lead Well and Be Well."
Oh, how handy this message would have been to me twenty years ago.
I now read it every morning before I fire up my computer.
At the end of the day, what I wish I'd known is -
Just look after yourself first and lead from the heart.
