I've never seen anybody do the things you do before
They say move for me, move for me, move for me... ay, ay, ay
And when you're done, I'll make you do it all again"
- Tones and I
***
I heard an interview with Toni Watson recently, who is the vocals and writer for the song "Dance Monkey". I almost turned the station, because I didn't really like the song originally, but I thought I'd hear it out.
She shared how she started out in the music business, playing on street corners because she couldn't get real gigs in the beginning. She decided to write a song about her early days, but wanted to separate it from her own personal story.
Instead of calling it "Singing Monkey" - which she laughed and said seemed to sound somewhat ridiculous, she called it "Dance Monkey". If you listen to the song, she sings about people stopping to watch her on the streets and asking her to "dance one more time", but it is in reference to her playing one more song for the crowd who watched her.
I absolutely loved so many references to this that it is now makes me smile every time it comes on the radio. Rags to riches, combined with a passion so strong that she is willing to stand on a street corner and perform to anyone who would listen, regardless of if she was paid or not.
***
The unthinkable and inevitable happened to me today.
I lost my job for the second time in two years. Me and about a zillion other people across the globe, I'm sure.
I have thought long and hard about this day recently, and as much as I've been part of enough senior leadership teams to see this coming, it doesn't change the depth of the sucker punch when it happens.
***
Two days ago, I made a list of what I was going to do and how I was going to fill my days because, as I've already said, it wasn't a question of if, it was a question of when, this took place. You can't close 27 casinos and with zero revenue expect to have a Training and Audit team. There is NO revenue and no people. It isn't about how hard any of us work, how much value we add or who is most liked. Desperate times call for desperate measures and I completely understand that this isn't personal.
I took the call today and swallowed my pride and tears as I heard the words again that my job was temporarily being removed. After a long cry, a drive with Mal aimlessly without much to say, and a coffee (because really, every afternoon still requires a coffee break) - I pulled myself together and walked back into the basement office of our home that, after 56 days, will not sell.
So, here we are.
Here I am.
I pulled my journal out of the drawer and went back two days in time.
"When I am laid off, I will need to be reminded of this.
This will feel like the end of the world, but it isn't.
These are my intentions of how I will handle it.
1. I will wake up every day and have my morning coffee and journal and document this experience.
2. I will walk for 90 minutes every day that we are not quarantined to city lock down to stay healthy and get outside.
3. I will lead by example to others on social distancing and stay educated and informed on the virus.
4. I will read and study online, and use this time to educate myself that I would not normally have had.
5. I will write a book and I will start to post on my blog site again, with the solid intention of inspiring anyone else who needs it."
- written, Sunday March 15th, 2020.
***
My bulletin board was blank from the house being listed.
One by one, I created the space I need to be creative and to write again.
I put up a picture of the Yaan Healing Spa in Tulum that I still hope to visit one day. The over the water hut in the Maldives, the photo with the blue umbrella I can so clearly see myself sitting at one day, and the card I pulled from my Personal Leadership Workshop almost 3 years ago now that says "Inspired" - which I still love as much as the day I picked it.
Every break has a purpose.
I have been sacrificed the gift of financial security today, but I have been given the gift of time.
How I use that is my choice.
I am going to try my best to help others, to write some silly, light stories or deep, painful ones - and to use my written expression as a gift just like the Dance Monkey lady.
(For the love of God, please do not call me Writing Monkey."
And one day I will wake up.
The lights will be on at Starbucks and the chairs will be back around the tables.
The stock market will be green, not red, and the New York Stock Exchange will sound alive again with chatter.
St. Patrick's day celebrations will resume and Dublin's in Chicago will be shoulder to shoulder.
And this too, shall have passed.
Until then, I will stay in isolation, paint my own toes (the tragedy), spray my own roots (I will soon know what they are), and write another few lines.
Sending some love and prayers to everyone around the globe -
Stay healthy and be well.
